So I went on a date last night with a guy I’ve been out with a couple times. We’ll call him BigBoy (this is a reference to his height). I’ve been out with this guy twice before, just to dinner. I like him just fine, no real spark, but he is a nice enough guy, so I decided to keep seeing him and thought maybe he would grow on me. So he asked me out again, and I said yes. And so begins the infamous “third date” . He invited me to meet him at his house, so I figured he was going to try to get more intimate.
As a side note, I’m not really a giving-it-up-on-the-third-date kind of girl. I’m not a prude or a virgin or anything, but I consider myself fairly inexperienced and shy, so getting that physical that quickly makes me a little uncomfortable. I find that it takes a while for me to warm up to a guy (or at least those I have been on dates with – but I’m still holding out hope that I will meet a guy that I warm up to instantly).
So anyway, I knew that he wasn’t going to be getting lucky, but I’m not sure he knew that. Prior to last night, BigBoy had kissed me a couple of times, but basically just little pecks, no real kisses.
It didn’t take long for me to figure out that this guy is not a good kisser. Like I said above, I consider myself pretty inexperienced for a girl my age, and have always been a little unsure as to whether or not I myself am a good kisser, but regardless, this guy is not a good kisser. It was kind of weird, actually.
Anyway, we go out to dinner, then out for some more drinks, and then decided to go home and watch a movie. Of course, I expected that that would eventually lead to making out. BUT, I would have appreciated it if, when we got back to his house he would have at least PRETENDED like we were going to watch a movie. But he didn’t. He started kissing me as soon as we got in the door. After a couple of minutes, he was breathing heavy, but I was not the least bit turned on. He then lead me to the couch, and continued the making out. Things progressed from there, and he was rounding the bases. First, second, and on his way to third. I was trying to think of a polite way to tag him out before he reached third.
Eventually we made our way to the bedroom (but don’t worry, I had already made it clear that we were not going to be sealing the deal) and continued making out. And he started pushing my hand toward his crotch. I don’t like that. If I wanted my hand in your crotch, I would put it there. I know where it is. I know it is no big deal, but like I said, I’m shy and it takes me a while to warm up. And maybe it is not fair, in terms of getting more than you are giving, but I would have been perfectly happy with him not putting his hand in my crotch either. I just prefer a guy to let me move at my own pace. I will get there, don’t get greedy.
I don’t know, I like to be touched. I like it a lot. But I want to feel like a guy wants to touch me because he wants to touch me, not because it is ALWAYS leading somewhere.
So I really don’t want to see this guy again. But I know I will, I already made plans to get together with him in a couple of weeks. I don’t know what my problem is. I have a real problem telling a man that I don’t want to see him anymore. But I really have no desire to sleep with this guy. I can’t sleep with a guy just because I’m too nice to tell him I don’t want to see him anymore, can I?
Sigh….I just wish I could go out with a guy that I liked immediately with no reservations, as opposed to dating guys that I have no attraction to and keep seeing on the off chance that something will develop, and/or because I don’t want to be mean and blow him off.
Dave Said:
on June 14, 2007 at 8:24 am
Sorry to hear about that, but you have to be honest with this guy. It is not fair on him or you. Personally as a guy I hate the idea of sex on the third date. Personalities are the biggest turn on for me. I can not get turned on by someone with only a few hours contact and the odd phone call. My ex didn’t really blow me away physically, my expectations were slightly different, she was shy, luckily I stuck it out and it turned out we had very similar interests and by the third date we was laughing a joking about things. Wasn’t a few months into the relationship that we actually slept together. It was probably more magical than if we had of rushed into it. At the end of it all though I had rushed into it all and in the end it didn’t work out.
This time I have been a lot more picky. I have turned down a second date and a third date and have finally found someone who I genuinely want to go on a third date with.
Jo Said:
on October 13, 2008 at 5:41 pm
There are so many people who do this. I hope my advice helps -warning – its tough love!
You say you went into the bedroom? -girl, when you take it to the bedroom you are saying to the guy -I intend to have sex…its hard to hear “no” when all you can see is “yes, yes, yes”. Look at it from his perspective. Make your life easier -arrange dates where you cant get to the bedroom or get a padlock!
The third date thing is lunacy -its high school. Be adult and go with how you feel…surely waiting increases desire for both parties -its called delayed gratification -and it rocks. You lose that special thing when you rush into sexual activity too quickly.
Sweetie -I am not sure how old you are -but have enough self respect to honour your gut instincts. Sometimes this comes easier for some than others but usually it gets more obvious with age.
It is not difficult -if you dont like him -walk away… Is your fear because you cannot be on your own? a few dates is not obligatory for sex or guilt…trust comes with love and love comes with time. It is earned.
Your experience sounds really icky and if he didnt pick up on your signals (which I have to be honest from what you wrote would have been difficult to certain types of men intent on ‘getting some’ with no thought to the long term) do you really want a guy like this anywhere near your body if he is that insensitive or wrong for you?
Two words. Self Respect.
One more word. Honesty.
Honour yourself first -who cares what anyone else thinks.
You are a precious commodity who knows her own mind -and if the guy you are with doesnt appreciate that -you are choosing the wrong guys.
Also another aspect to remember is you will never be emotionally free to meet that cool guy that you want to connect with whilst seeing negative guys like this -trust me…deal with this issue, spend some time on your own and you will meet that special guy.
We all play games a little if we are honest when we are dating -but they must be harmless -never do something you are not comfortable with or you will live a life full of regrets. Honour yourself first -be selfish -its ok!
Good luck and hope it helped
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