Archive for October, 2007

I hate to be petty, but….

{ October 29, 2007 @ 9:35 pm } · { etiquette, family, friends, is it just me?, random thoughts }
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So as I said in my last post, I went out to a nice dinner with B and his friends to a steakhouse.  Now, I’m a cheap date.  Not on purpose, I just happen to prefer foods that are typically cheaper.  Namely, chicken.  I just prefer chicken to steak or seafood. 

 So I ordered chicken like I always do, and most of the others ordered steak of some sort.  Fine.  And then several of us ordered sides, which were sort of family-style, so we ended up passing those around the table and sharing.  And then drinks. 

So what I had, in total, for the night, was chicken, a martini, and B asked me to order a side to share with him (and the others).  So total, my meal came to about $37.00, give or take a few bucks. 

Anyway, when the check came, we were all on the same bill, so we just split it evenly.  $80 a person. 

It’s not like I really cared, because B payed for me anyway, but I’m not sure where I stand on this practice.  Usually I don’t mind, because there is not so much of a discrepancy, and it is obviously much easier to do it that way than for each person to figure out how much they owe.  But still, I think this can be a problem.  What if I was watching my money and purposefully ordering more economically?  Then I would have to look like a cheap jerk asking everyone to just figure out what they owe, and who wants to do that?  One of the girls that was with us, like me ordered the chicken, and she didn’t have any drinks, or a side dish.  So her bill should have been somewhere in the neighborhood of $23.  That’s not really fair, and I don’t think she is a girl with a lot of disposable income.      I don’t know if she ended up paying the $80 or if someone paid for her or what, I wasn’t really paying attention.   And the $80 was an average, there were those of us who ate less than $80’s worth, and there were those who had more than $80 dollars worth.  So those people splurged, had a bottle of wine, and several other drinks, expensive steak, side orders, etc., and they basically benefitted from the average. 

I don’t know, what do you think?  Personally, I don’t like it.  Maybe because I eat cheap foods and I don’t drink much, so I will always be on the losing end of the equation.  And it is not necessarily a money issue for me, because any one meal is not going to break the bank, I guess I just don’t like the idea of being forced to pay for something that isn’t mine.

Is this being really petty?

Miscellany: Dinner, parties, and I’m getting older

{ October 29, 2007 @ 2:16 am } · { dating, family, friends, random thoughts, relationships }
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On Friday night I went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant with B and a bunch of his friends.  Food was great.  Conversation?  Not so much.  I hate to say it, but it was kind of boring.  There wasn’t much real conversation, at least not much that I could take part in.  I don’t know if it was just an odd mix of people, or what.  I mean, they all know each other.  I was the only one that doesn’t really know them (although I had met all of them at one time or another).  I was really hoping to get to know them all a little more, but it didn’t really happen.  And not only was I bored, but I was boring too.  And I’m not that boring, I can make conversation, be entertaining. 

When I played tennis I always felt that I played better when I played against good people.  Maybe conversation is like that too.  Harder to be witty around people who are not.  I’m not sure. 

I don’t know – I just feel like my friends are so much more….dynamic.  When we get together, there is so much talking,  we laugh until it hurts, and we just take some much pleasure in each other’s company.  I am taking B home with me in a few weeks for one of my best friends’ wedding, and it will be the first time for him to meet my friends, so I’m interested to see how he interacts with them.  I’m also VERY NERVOUS to introduce him to them, but it is a hump I need to get over.

On Saturday I went home.  Have several parties to attend.  One was a family party with a lot of extended family that I haven’t seen in such a long time.  It was great to catch up with them.  I just get a little nostaglic when I get to see them, because growing up we saw them ALL the time.  And I just always pictures us as adults, raising kids together, being close.  But it isn’t really like that, because everybody is all spread out now, geographically.  My cousins have kids and I barely know them, so I’m always happy to get a chance to see them.

Another party I went to was my friend’s husband’s thirtieth birthday party.  He is the first one to turn 30, and the rest of us will be doing the same in the next year.  YIKES!  I’m not ready for the 30 year to begin, but it is coming nonetheless.  I have about 4 more months to get ready for it.  I should probably review the post I wrote about some small goals I had before I turned 30, because I can’t even remember what they are now, so there is a good chance that I’ve accomplished none of them.  Not good. 

Not looking forward to another work week….

Sunday night…football

{ October 23, 2007 @ 3:08 am } · { dating, indoor sports, life, love, relationships, sex, work }
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I went over to B’s house on Sunday afternoon.  Usually B gets together with the guys for football on Sundays, but since we weren’t able to see each other on Friday or Saturday, he invited me over. 

I hate football.  And I’m definitely not one of those girls who pretends to understand or like football just to impress a guy.  No, I am not one of the guys.  So I pretty much just went for the company. 

I may not have quite the same enthusiasm for a touchdown as the guys, but I’m pretty sure watching football with me was more fun than with the guys.  And I was able to steal his attention from the game a few times.  And if I do say so myself, the half-time entertainment was pretty good.  :)

And after the game we ordered in some food.  We sat at the table across from each other and just talked.  It felt….intimate, I guess.  Because we don’t spend that much time together just hanging out at home.  So it was nice.  I liked it.  

In other news, today we had a consultation with a very hot, young potential client.  He apparently got charged with indecent exposure.  Um…..yeah, I’m going to need a demonstration before I take your case.  But seriously, why is it in my experience that only dirty old men are inappropriate?  Why am I never around when the hot guys expose themselves indecently? 

The uninitiated

{ October 17, 2007 @ 3:34 am } · { dating, how you found me, love, random thoughts, sex }
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So thanks for the input on my last post.   The comments really did give me a different perspective that I hadn’t necessarily thought of on my own.   I never want B to think that I’m indifferent to sex or that I’m doing it out of some sort of feeling of obligation, because I’m definitely not.  There has never been a time over the course of our relationship when I was doing it just because he asked.  I always want to.  Like I said before, we only see each other once a week, at most, so it is pretty much a foregone conclusion that we will have sex every time we see each other.  And he will always start it, so I never do. 

I took to heart what  Natureboy said in his comment – that he felt like always initiating was like asking for sex and intimacy, and that it was demoralizing.  I do want intimacy with B, and that is kind of the same thing I have been complaining about.  I’ve felt like the physical affection has dropped off, and I miss that, and need that.  And when I tried to talk to him about that, it was his response to bring up that I never initiate.  So maybe for him that is a way of communicating and his way to be truly intimate with me (thanks Kara!)   I guess what I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to say is that maybe B and I express intimacy and affection in different ways.  Hopefully we can both now try to meet each other where we are.  I can initiate sex, and he feel more wanted, and he can bring back the other physical affection, and I will feel more loved.

On the other hand, my problem is that sex is often just sex.  So if he doesn’t manage to express feelings in another way, it is going to be hard for me to really feel it. 

I’m not sure this post is going to make sense to anyone other than myself. 

Oh, and readers?  I’ve finally figured out how to get your attention.  I talked a little bit about sex and the number of views of my blog more than tripled my previous best day ever.  That being the case, I’m probably not going to be able to keep your attention, seeing as how my sex life is adequate but not terribly exciting or frequent, and I’m not that comfortable committing such details in writing out here on the internets.  Sorry about that, you little perverts.  :)

Apparently I lack initiative

{ October 15, 2007 @ 9:24 pm } · { dating, relationships, sex }
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Does it matter who initiates? 

I really don’t like to talk about sex on here, but this is just what I’m thinking about today.

I went out with B on Friday night, and stayed over at his place.  I had a little talk with him (waiting, like I always do until we were in bed with the lights out) wherein I gave him what I lovingly refer to as the “look alive and act like you like me” speech.  He responded by saying that he feels as though he is the one who always initiates sex.  This is true.  I asked him if that bothered him and he said no.  I was wondering, then, how that was even relevant to our conversation, but I didn’t say that because it would have just been bitchy.

 So anyway, I started thinking about it.  I thought that initiating the sex was just a way of life for men.  I consulted my friend Man Whore, with whom I discuss all matters related to man-feelings and sex.  He told me that he has had girlfriends that initiate, and that he had a girlfriend that never initiated, and he always had to.    He said she was always willing to do what he wanted, but she never initiated, and he didn’t like that because it made him feel like she wasn’t attracted to him enough to want to have sex with him.  Hmm.

My thinking was that I never initiate because I always know he’s going to.  We only see each other once a week, so I always know that we are going to get to it at some point.  And it usually happens pretty quickly once we get home.  I would have to jump him as soon as we walk in the door to beat him to the punch.  Or very very early in the morning.  Maybe I’m just lazy.  I guess I thought it was enough that I’m always willing and ready.   No? 

I really am no good at the dating. 

(un)happy hump day

{ October 11, 2007 @ 3:34 am } · { dating, love, neuroses, relationships, worries }
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Feeling kind of lonely today.

I talked to B tonight.  Had a normal conversation.  At one point I told him that I was getting a haircut and highlight tomorrow.   Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing different.  But he said, “why are you cutting your hair more?  It is already short enough.” 

Now, my hair is not what I would consider short.  It’s not long, but it is about shoulder length.  I know guys like long hair, but I don’t look nice with long hair. 

It made me feel kind of bad.  And I know how stupid that is because it was a very innocuous comment.  But still it hurt my feelings anyway.  Maybe because although he never says anything bad to/about me, he never really compliments me either.  I wanted to ask him what it is he actually likes about me, but I didn’t.   I shouldn’t have to fish for it.   But really, I do want to know what he likes about me.  I need to know that he actually likes me, and not just the idea of a girlfriend.  I think I might just be someone who fills an empty spot.   

That makes me feel a little low.  Like I’m nobody special.  I think I’m just in a funk today – any other day I wouldn’t think twice about some dumb comment about my hair.

*sigh*  

One of these things does not belong

{ October 8, 2007 @ 7:13 pm } · { friends, life, random thoughts, relationships, what am I doing with my life? }
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So this weekend I went home.  Two of my girlfriends just had babies 3 weeks ago, and I hadn’t met them yet.  One of my friends, for whom this baby was her first, was going to be alone for the weekend while her husband went to a wedding out of town.  So I volunteered to come stay with her and help with whatever she needed.  And then one of my other girlfriends wanted to come with me, so she and her 9 month old baby came too.  And then two of my other girlfriends came over once we were in town, one bringing her brand new baby.  So it became a little party. 

 It was a nice time.  I got to do a lot of baby holding, which was fun.   When they are teeny-tiny and all they do is sleep – that’s the part I love.  But the conversation?  It quickly turned to sleep schedules, breastfeeding, sore nipples, diaper brands, baby skin creams.  On and on and on.  I had absolutely nothing to add. 

One of these things is not like the others….

This motherhood thing is a very strong connector between women.  Makes it possible to talk to virtually any woman anywhere – the commonality is so strong. 

I don’t have it.  I’m just fun Aunt J who brings cute clothes to the babies.  Makes me feel like my life is just so selfish.  And I think that is ok, because I don’t have children, but still, a greater purpose in life would probably be a good thing for me.  I know there are other ways to have purpose in life other than having children, I just haven’t found a way to connect to any of them.  Maybe I’m lazy. 

I had a good time and was glad I could help in any way, but it made me feel a bit isolated, too. 

On the other hand, I got a full night’s sleep.  My friends, not so much. 

Randomly….

{ October 4, 2007 @ 8:04 pm } · { These people are killing me, dating, life, random thoughts, relationships }
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Thanks for the comments to my last post, ladies.  B and I had a good time on the trip.  All the time spent at the airport uselessly waiting for for the flight was pretty boring, but other than that it was fine.  Be didn’t even bring anything to entertain himself during the wait/flight.  I had crosswords, soduku, and a magazine.  I offered him his choice of any of those, but he declined.  So he just sat there.  ??  Kind of random.

 But we had a nice time in the hotel room  :)

In response to Jess’s comment – I never really think about B being anal or OCD, because he is not really rigid.  But he is funny about some things.  He gets all of his clothes ready at night for the next day.  Sets it out, presses it if need be.  Even his underwear (he doesn’t press them, but he gets them out).  I think that is kind of funny.  I guess picking out underwear in the morning could really slow him down.  Mind you, I’m sure it is better than my method of running around like a mad woman in the morning, trying to find something to wear that isn’t wrinkly, because heaven knows I’m always late as it is. 

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In other news, I listened to one of my clerks have a heated argument over the phone with his fiancee today.  For about 30 minutes.  Does nobody care about privacy anymore?  I can appreciate instant gratification – getting out what you need to say NOW, but does everyone at work need to hear your business??    Does your boss need to hear your business?  He knows I can hear everything he says.  He’s lucky I’m not a stickler for wasting company time (as I’m currently writing a blog post at work). 

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And Kara – you know how you hate the people who don’t flush the toilets?  I agree, that is nasty, and flushing when you go should be ingrained as a habit by the time you are four.  But what I really hate?  People who talk on their phones in public restroom stalls.  In particular, there is one woman on my floor who habitually uses her phone in the bathroom, and she VERY LOUDLY does her bathroom business while on the phone.  Now, you know cell phones amplify sound!  Does the person on the other end really need to hear you heartily passing gas and pooping?  Um….no.  I’m mean seriously, have some decorum! 

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I met with a woman today for an initial consultation.  In short, she was an unmarried, childless 51 year old woman who has dedicated her life to her job.  And in return for that devotion, she is about to be terminated.  She kept repeating, I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I’ve given everything to my job.  Yikes.  I’m worried that will be me in 20 years.  Except for the part about how I’ve given everything to my job.  Truly, I am not that dedicated.  But she just seemed lonely and sad (which is not unusual in my line of work). 

Just a reminder that loyalty doesn’t often go both ways in an employment situation (something I’ve learned with my own job).