Archive for December, 2007

Meet the Folks

{ December 19, 2007 @ 2:48 am } · { dating, family, is it just me?, love, neuroses, relationships, worries }
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Yikes!

B just asked me if I wanted to join him (he?  I’m too anxious right now to figure out grammar) and his family for their Christmas dinner on the 26th.  I didn’t think that this would be an issue, because I will be out of town for mosr of the next week and a half.  I will be coming home from my mom’s on the 26th, and leaving for my dad’s on the 27th.  And B’s family just decided about a week ago when they were all going to be able to get together – on the 26th. 

I’m scared!!   I met his mom briefly, but this will be the WHOLE FAMILY!  Do I need to get them gifts?  Is that when I should give B his gifts? 

I am a little panicked.  Tell me, dear readers, do you freak out about this kind of thing too?  I never thought that meeting a man’s parents  and family would make me so nervous, because usually parents like me.  But indeed, I am scared. 

Sleep Deprived

{ December 18, 2007 @ 5:06 am } · { dating, love, neuroses, random thoughts, relationships }
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First I have to note that my boss is now on his vacation for the next few weeks!!!  And not a moment too soon.

Ok, moving on.   

I spent Saturday and Sunday with B.  Lately we have been spending more time together.  Not more times a week, just for longer periods at a time.  It’s nice.  Cozy.  It makes us relate to each other during down time , not just when we are out together on a Saturday night.  If I could find a way to get rid of the constant football, it would be even better. 

I noticed yesterday that I still physically hold myself back when I’m around him.  Affection wise, I mean.  For example, he was sitting at the computer yesterday and I walked up behind him and started rubbing his shoulders and back.  I wanted to lean down, put my arms around him and kiss him on the neck.  I stood there and thought about it, but didn’t.  I don’t know why I do that.  Some form of fear of rejection, I guess.  Still not able to fully put it all out there.

Also, I CANNOT sleep when I am there.  I’ve never been good at sleeping in the same room as other people.  When it comes to B, it is no big mystery why not:  the man snores.  Loudly.  Like sleep apnea style.  And I lay there and lay there and lay there.  Praying for sleep.  So lately I have been slipping out of bed and going to sleep on the couch.  And then when I wake up a few hours later, I will slip back into bed with him, because I like waking up with him.  He asked me yesterday why I have been coming out to sleep on the couch so much lately, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it is because he snores.  And so I will usually go home on Sunday and nap literally all day. 

Ladies – how do you get past this?

Patience is a virtue…

{ December 13, 2007 @ 3:24 am } · { These people are killing me, what am I doing with my life?, work }
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Is it really patience if you have to fake it?

My boss makes me crazy.  He takes advantage of my niceness pretty much every single day.  It has been going on for years, and right now I feel like I am at my limit with him and his family.

It is hard to explain without getting really in depth, but I will try to do an adequate job here.  I don’t really like talking about my job, because one never really knows who is reading.  That being said, it is really bothering me so I will now.

This year my boss lost his son.  It has been a horrible year for his family (following two long years of his son’s illness), and obviously they are heartbroken.  Because of the hard time they have had, I have done many many many things over the course of the last couple of years that fall far outside the realm of my job responsibilities.   They needed help, and there was a lot of simple things I could do to make it easier, so I did.  But his son is gone now since April, they don’t have to tend to him and care for him anymore, and they are trying to move forward as best they can.  But they got used to me doing a lot of things for them, and so they keep asking.  And I keep doing.  And at this point I feel that it is taking advantage. 

They are sucking all of the good energy out of me.  I am mad at them for expecting me to do so many things, and I am even more mad at myself for doing all of it.  And so I feel crabby on most days, and really, it hurts nobody but me.  They keep taking from me, and, in all honesty, have given very little in return.    I am not adequately paid for my real job, let alone for all the extra stuff I do.  They don’t really even acknowledge every thing that I have done and continue to do for them.  There are some days (like today) that it is all I can do not to cry at my desk.  But there is no crying in baseball, and there sure as hell is no crying in law. 

I have had many clients, co-workers, and friends tell me that I must have the patience of a saint to deal with my boss.  But really, I am screaming in my head.  So frustrated.   Is that true patience?  Aren’t there people out there who happily and tirelessly give  of themselves, and who don’t feel the anger and anxiety that I feel?  Sometimes I think that I’m just being selfish.  When is it ok to look out for number one?

And so it is that everyday I wear a mask of faux patience, wishing desperately for some of the real kind. 

Parties, gifts, and buh-bye boss-man

{ December 11, 2007 @ 3:32 am } · { dating, love, random thoughts, relationships, work }
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So I went to B’s work party on Friday.  Meh.  It was kind of boring.  There was one guy at our table who was very loud and is just one of those “always on” kind of people.  Everyone else thought he was funny.  I thought he was obnoxious and hindered our table having any real conversation.  And B wasn’t feeling too good, so he was pretty quiet. 

I did find a cute black dress to wear.  Tried to keep my chest in, as per my friend Jaded’s suggestion.  I was fairly successful at it. 

I did get to meet B’s mother.  She was nice enough, but we didn’t really get a good chance to talk much.  She retired from the company in May, so during the cocktail hour when we were standing around talking to her, people kept coming up and interrupting.  And she didn’t sit at our table, so I really just small-talked with her for a short time and that was it. 

B emailed me and told me that he needed my sizes to assist with his Christmas shopping:  shoes, t-shirt/sweatshirt, underwear, sweatpants.  Pretty random.  I told him that he obviously doesn’t know me very well if he thinks I am going to tell him my sizes (which, by the way, I refused to tell even my grandmother when she asked).  But, I felt a little sorry for him because I didn’t give him any ideas of what to get me when he asked.  So I told him my sizes. 

I see some slutty panties in my near future.  Guess I’ll wear them underneath the sweatpants he is apparently getting me.  It was just a random list, because I am not really a t-shirt-and-sweatpants-wearing kind of girl.  But I’ll keep an open mind and pretend that the slutty panties are the prettiest ones I’ve ever seen.    And pray that he doesn’t get me the kind of sweatpants that have the elastic at the bottom. 

Truly, though, it is the thought that counts, so I don’t really care what he gets me.  I’m just interested to see what he comes up with on his own. 

In other news, my boss is going out of town for the holidays after all.  YAY!!  I’m so relieved.  He is leaving on the 18th, which means I only have about a week left before I get a break from him.  Which believe me, is much needed.  I’m at that point where every little thing he does irritates me, so him being gone for a few weeks will be FANTASTIC.  I’m so looking forward to it.

Crabby Abbey

{ December 5, 2007 @ 3:47 am } · { These people are killing me, dating, do your job, is it just me?, life, love, neuroses, random thoughts, relationships }
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So you know what makes me homicidal?  The racket that is express shipping.  In theory, a wonderful idea.  I need something right away, I pay an exorbitant fee for the service, and I get my stuff right away.  Fool-proof, right?  It would be, except that the express shipping services (today, namely DHL) only deliver during regular working hours, when regrettably, I am indeed at work.  So I get a notice when I get home telling me that they tried to deliver but I wasn’t home.  Not to worry though, they will try again tomorrow.  After all, I don’t work every day, do I? 

But alas, I am one of the unfortunate 90% of Americans who do work everyday, so again, I will not be here when they come by.  I use to call the toll-free number and go round and round with some poor schmuck of a customer service representative who happened to answer the phone when I called about why it was not possible for them to leave my package at my apartment if I sign the notice they give me.  I feel that as the receiver (and the one who paid for the shipping), I should have this option.  But no. 

So I have long since resigned myself to the fact that I have to pick the packages up (despite the money I paid for it to be delivered TO ME), so today I called as soon as I got home from work to let them know I will pick it up.  But the number that is printed on the notice is useless.  When you call the number, the only option you are given is to enter your zip code, and then your call is rerouted to a number that is NEVER ANSWERED.  I called again and again and again.  HOURS of my life that I’ll never get back.  There are several other steps that I had to go through that I just don’t have the inclination to type out for you loyal readers who are undoubtedly already bored.  The bottom line is I don’t get to pick it up.  Perhaps tomorrow I will be able to pick it up, they will give me a call when it arrives back at the facility.  Apparently my driver today is on some marathon shift.

Anyway, so then I talk to B and he irritated me too.   He uses this voice sometimes when I’m talking to him that sounds like he is talking to a child.  I think he thinks the things I worry about and the things that irritate me are stupid.  Its like he never does anything wrong or irrational.  Tonight I said something about how he thinks I’m stupid.  He didn’t like that.  He just doesn’t understand why I do things a certain way.  Because I’m not perfect like some people.

I can’t handle people thinking I’m stupid.  I’m not the cutest girl, I’m not the thinnest, I don’t have the most money or the best job or the best clothes.  I’m not the wittiest or the most charming or the funniest.   But I am smart, and I don’t need to be treated like a child. 

On the other hand, B’s personality is very very mild, and I’m pretty sure it was my general crabbiness today that made me irritated at him more so than anything he actually said (and the tone). 

And my last bitch of the day has to do with my friend, Jaded Lawyer Girl.  I was chatting with her today, and she asked me what I was going to wear to B’s work holiday party (where I will meet his mother) on Friday night.  I told her I wasn’t sure yet, but I sent her a picture of a cute shirt I had ordered (currently being held hostage by DHL and some rogue driver).  She thought it was cute, but was concerned that it wouldn’t look modest enough on me, given that my chest is much larger than the lovely model in the picture.  Specifically, she said, “you don’t want his mom to think he picked you up off of the street corner.” 

Um, excuse me?  Is that what I normally look like?  No.  It is not as though I don’t know how to dress appropriately.  Yes, my chest does hang out fairly frequently.  Not on purpose.  My boobs are hard to keep in sometimes.  But a little cleavage does not a lady-of-the-night make.    She said, well, but you don’t want B’s mom to have a bad first impression of you.  Oh, really?  I hadn’t even thought of that.  Never even crossed my mind that I might want his mom to like me, not once in what is now almost a year of dating this man.   So then of course I mentioned this to B, and he thought I was stupid for worrying about that.  He said he didn’t think his mom would care either way.  Really?  She wouldn’t care if your girlfriend came dressed as a total tramp to your work holiday party?  Why not? 

Like I said, I’m just crabby today.  I’ll blame it on the weather.  Or the fact that I’m in the inactive week of my birth control pills.  I should just go to bed and start over tomorrow. 

Oh Christmas Tree….

{ December 3, 2007 @ 4:12 am } · { dating, life, relationships }
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So B wanted me to go with him to cut down a Christmas tree, and we decided today was the day.  It was snowing and sleeting all day yesterday, but overnight it warmed up and most of the ice had melted, so we thought it would be fine.  When we set out, it was raining slightly, but no big deal.  We drove about 45 minutes to what was apparently the nearest tree farm, and the instant we pulled up it started pouring down rain.  But since we were already there, we decided to brave it.  So we are walking around looking for the perfect tree.  I, of course, was wearing some wedge boots for this excursion.  Perfect, of course, for traipsing through the ice, mud, and snow.  Luckily I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt, so I was able to put up the hood and keep at least my head dry.  It started hailing, and then it was full-fledged storming.  With lightening and thunder.  I tried to keep up with B as he rushed around from tree to tree (hard to do considering my brilliant choice of footwear).    Every so often he would turn around and look at me, and we would have a little giggle about how ridiculous it was – us Christmas tree shopping in the worst weather ever. 

A good snow would have been nice.  Picturesque, even, and appropriate for the situation.  Torrential downpour, hail, and lightening, though?  Not so much.  I think we had pictured this being some quaint little couple ritual - but no.  It was the two of us, pretty much running from tree to tree, settling on one pretty quickly.  We cut it down (amidst the lightening), threw it up on top of the car and dove into the car.  We sat there for a moment, catching our breath, and laughing at ourselves.  We were literally soaked to the skin from head to toe.  Like I said, my head was actually dry underneath my hood, but poor B, he looked so pathetic sitting there, water literally dripping down his face and from his chin.  I took the inside (and therefore dry) part of my gloves and wiped his face, and we drove to the front where B got out and took care of getting the tree wrapped up, paid for, and put in the back of his vehicle.  Unfortunately we weren’t able to decorate it today because it was just too wet. 

I’m kind of excited that it is December now.  I have a couple of holiday parties to go to in the next couple of weeks.  I’m looking forward to them.  A little extra socialization is always a good thing.  But I’ve got a lot of shopping to do, so I’ve got to get on that pretty quickly.   And put up my own tree.  Yikes, I’ve got to get my act together.