Archive for March, 2008

In All Fairness

{ March 29, 2008 @ 4:35 am } · { comments, dating, love, random thoughts, relationships }
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So I got a comment on my last post from Monkey, asking me if my relationship with B is fair.  She remembered that I was not happy when B wasn’t too understanding about my job and basically said, “either do something about it or quit bitching”.  And for the record, he said it in a much softer way, but that is how it sounded to my ears. 

So I thought about it.  Why do I feel sympathy for him when he has job issues, when he doesn’t really want to hear about mine?  Is this relationship one-sided?  But really, it isn’t that cut and dry.  The truth is that I have been bitching about my job since time immemorial.    I do need a new job.  And it isn’t just B that has told me that I shouldn’t complain if I am unwilling to change it – my mom and my friend Jaded tell me that all the time.  And in a much less kind manner than B.  But yes, I do get mad because I don’t want to hear it, but also I know that it is true.

Also, I think some of it can be attributed to the differences between men and women.  Men don’t necessarily want to talk something to death, they are more goal-oriented.  Cut right to the chase – what can you do to make this problem better.   I don’t think I would ever tell someone to quit bitching about something if they won’t do something about it – it just isn’t my nature.  So I would never suggest to B that he should quit whining, even though I might think it.     So I just listen and try to be understanding, and maybe suggest that it is time to get a new job.  Sometimes I wish he would stop complaining about it, but sometimes I feel bad for him because he is stressed out, and that is how I felt at the time I wrote the last post. 

Do I wish he would listen to my job complaints and be more understanding and sympathetic?  Sure.  That would be great.  I could go on and on and on if someone wanted to listen to me complain, but at some point that isn’t really helpful either. 

Our communication isn’t perfect, for sure.  But I think that is something most men and women struggle with, simply because (and I hope I’m not being a bad feminist and setting women back here) men and women are different.  Period.  

But in any case, I do appreciate women looking out for each other, and a little introspection is always good, so I wasn’t offended at all by the comment. 

Long Time…..

{ March 26, 2008 @ 3:16 am } · { dating, dirty, love, random thoughts, relationships, sex }
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Hello!

It has been about 2 weeks since my last post, but I have a fairly decent excuse.  My computer became hopelessly infected (yes, I know, that is why you should have anti-virus protection, I get it), and spending any amount of time on the internet required more patience than I have. 

Luckily, ManWhore gave me the hook-up.  Totally fixed my computer AND installed anti-virus software, so I am good as new.  Better actually. 

Of course, once he fixed my computer, ManWhore expected payment.  We agreed to meet at McDonalds so I could pick up my computer as I was driving through town, and I called him when I was close so he could come meet me.  Here is the conversation we had:

ManWhore (MW):  So I think you should blow me.

Me:  Ok, let’s do it at McDonalds.  You want to?

MW:  No, you can come to my house and just do it here.

Me:  But I thought your house was off limits?  I’m getting confused about the rules, MW.  (As you recall, he told me he laid the “ground rules” for High School girl, and this was one of them).

MW:  J, those rules don’t apply to you.  There are no rules when it comes to you.

Me:  Oh, so of all your lady friends, I am really special?

MW:  You know I’d break all the rules for you.  Just you.

Me:  Mmhmm.  Riiiiiiight.  Yeah, no thanks.  I’ll see you at McDonalds in ten minutes.

Nice try, ManWhore.

Oh, yeah, and speaking of which, I did end up emailing back HS Girl and telling her how I knew ManWhore, and said a bunch of nice things about him.  But then I told her that for all of his good qualities, ManWhore is not boyfriend material.   (I told him exactly what I said and told him “no offense” and he said, “it’s ok, I’m not”). 

Then get this, she emailed me back and said, “Thanks for telling me that MW isn’t good boyfriend material, but you didn’t tell me why.”  Um….HELLO!  Did she miss the part about him having a live-in girlfriend?  Who he cheats on ALL THE TIME?!?  Seriously, I was too disgusted even to respond. 

Hmmm……what else has been going on the last couple of weeks…..

Not much, really.  Same shit, different day.  Had a nice Easter with my family.  B didn’t come with me because he went to visit his family.  Even though I don’t see him that much, whenever Saturday rolls around, I really miss him if we’re not together.  More and more I wish that we could spend more time together.  I feel like we are sort of stuck where we are at.  It is hard to get closer when we only see each other once a week.  And though we talk everyday, it just isn’t the same as actually putting in time together and seeing how it goes to be more involved with each other’s day to day. 

Just last night he was talking to me about some trouble he is having at work and how it has been affecting him for a few months.  Obviously we have discussed this many times, but I didn’t know how much it was really still bothering him.  I just wanted to put my arms around him and BE there with him.  But I wasn’t.  But we aren’t ready to live together yet, so I’m not really sure how to sort of move it along. 

I think he feels the same way.  Of course, I have to guess, because as we all know, B is not too great at communicating his feelings.  But now when I leave his house every weekend, he kisses me a little bit longer and hugs me a little bit harder and always tries to get me to stay longer.   I don’t know, I just know that it is hard to feel like a REAL couple when we don’t get to be part of each other’s daily routine.

Anyway, sorry for the absence these last couple of weeks.  I’ve been struggling for a while trying to have something to say that is worth writing about.  I haven’t yet managed to find a way to make the mundane fun to read about.  I’m no Seinfeld, I guess. 

Playing dumb….

{ March 13, 2008 @ 3:52 am } · { dating, dirty, friends, indoor sports, is it just me?, observation, relationships, sex }
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So High School Girl wrote a new blog about a new guy that she recently hooked up with.  She said he was everything she was looking for, and that he was ten times better than her last guy, who, though I’ve never met him, I like to refer to as Huge Penis Boy (HPB)(as his member has been much lauded on her blog).  But, oh, despite everything she liked about him, there is one major drawback….he has a live-in girlfriend. 

I thought, hmm…..this sure does sound like ManWhore.  And despite everything I know about him, he never told me his girlfriend lives with him.  He is extremely closed lip about the girlfriend.  Probably because he doesn’t want to ruin any chance he thinks he has for me to sleep with him, should the situation arise.  It won’t.

Anyway, then High School Girl emailed me and asked me what I knew about ManWhore.  Oh…..crap.  What don’t I know about ManWhore (except that the gf lives with him)?  I know far more about ManWhore than I probably should.  More than I would ever discuss, because I kiss my grandmother with this mouth, and trust me, some of the facts are not pretty. 

But I don’t know what to say.  ManWhore is my friend, and though I would never tell her the specifics, do I tell her that he is a slut?  I have no relationship with her, but I feel as though I might owe her some truth, just as a woman.  Obviously she already slept with him, and there is no way to put that horse back in the barn.  However, her blog made it sound like she was interested in him for more than just sex. 

So I’m torn.  Maybe I just play dumb and just say something generic.  Talk about how I know him, blah blah blah.  Not what she’s looking for, but maybe I don’t want to get involved.

But then, he obviously already told her that he has a live-in girlfriend.  So, what’s the confusion?  What does she think he wants with her?  Why even get involved with someone like that – you’ll never get what you want.  I told him I was surprised that he told her about the girlfriend, a fact he hasn’t found fit to mention to me in two years.  He said, well, he thought he would put it all out there, that way if she didn’t like it, she had the opportunity to walk away from him.   He said he laid the ground rules.  I said what, don’t call me, I’ll call you?  Don’t speak unless spoken to?  He said, well, basically yes.  His house is off limits.  He probably won’t return calls or texts, at least in a timely manner.

I thought, who the hell hears these “ground rules” and thinks, “ok, that sounds fine”?   Who takes that kind of shit?  Um….no thanks.  Take your rules and move on.  I have my own rules in a relationship, and they definitely involve answering my calls, or at least returning them.   I am very demanding that way.

Anyway, I haven’t had much to write about lately, so at least ManWhore has provided me some fodder.  I’ll try to do some more exciting things so I have some material. 

You found me!

{ March 7, 2008 @ 6:06 am } · { etiquette, how you found me, is it just me?, observation, random thoughts, what am I doing with my life? }
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I thought it was time to discuss (again) what brings you dear readers to me.  I like to think of myself as someone with important and socially pertinent things to say.  And I want to discuss the topics that you, my readers, are wondering about or want to discuss.  So without further ado, here’s my best stuff:

Ok, there is one thing I want to clear up right away, because this is obviously an important issue to at least five of you who were brought to me by this particular search term.  Because I value my readers, and I’m worried that my lack of knowledge on the subject will turn some of you away forever, I am somewhat reticent to admit that you will find nothing on my blog about “molly elizabeth’s boobs”.  While I do read Molly Elizabeth’s blog, I have never seen her boobs, have never discussed her boobs, and in all truth, have never even wondered about her boobs.  I am kind of wondering now though, because I’m thinking she must have a pretty nice pair, considering the number of times this particular search has come up on my list of searches.  Sorry I can’t help.  Good luck on your search.

While we are on the subject of boobs, I know that one of you found me by looking for “picture of bouquet toss boobs”.  Again, sorry.  You must have been sorely disappointed when you came upon my blog.  I don’t even participate in bouquet tosses.  I avoid ‘em like the plague.  I sure as hell never catch the bouquet with my boobs. 

I’m gonna move on from the boob talk now.  I have many dimensions, people, and I’m not ready to focus my blog on boobs, so I’m going to now take this opportunity to answer some burning questions that you readers have.  I want to help if I can, I don’t want this blog to be all fluff.  I’m all about community service, and this is what I have to contribute:

“Should I be upset if boyfriend text me?”  YES, girl.  Geez, what kind of an asshole are you dating, anyway?   Don’t take that kind of treatment!  What kind of a girl does he think you are?! 

Huh?

“WHY DOES HE CALL EVERY NIGHT?”  I suspect this is from the same girl who asked the above question.  First he texts you, and now he won’t stop calling.  I feel your pain, girl.  And honestly, I don’t have an answer.  I don’t know why your boyfriend wants to communicate with you on a regular basis.  It’s almost like he LIKES you.  Bastard!!  My suggestion is to set boundaries.  Tell him not to speak unless spoken to.  Boyfriends are to be seen and not heard.  And if he can’t play by your rules, ditch him.  No girl should have to put up with that kind of crap.

“What makes somebody your stepsister?”  This is a tricky one, but I will do my best.  This normally occurs when one of your parents marries somebody who has a daughter.  That daughter will be your stepsister.  Happy I could help there. 

“What does dating exclusively mean?”  It means that your boyfriend expects you to date only him.  You might want to clarify that the relationship is MUTUALLY exclusive, though.  Because one never knows, and it doesn’t hurt to ask.

“How do I ignore a stuck-up manwhore?”  This is a tough one for me.  My first inclination is to say that you would ignore him the same way you would ignore any other person, but I’m not sure.  But if you stick to your guns and don’t engage in any sexual activity with him?  He’ll go away.

“I made it to third date, is that good?”  Yes?  To the extent that the datee is someone that you want to date, the more dates you go on, the better.  Just a general rule of thumb.

“Panty mess?”  Wash ‘em.  Maybe twice.

The next few searches weren’t necessarily questions, but there are some I think we should talk about:

“He touched my crotch!”  Well, you go, girl!  I just like this one because of the use of the exclamation point.  But truly, if the touching was unwanted, you can email me and I will be happy to discuss the difference between good touches and bad touches.  I joke, but I started to get a little nervous that this search was by a child and that I was making light of a serious situation.  Or some girl who was touched inappropriately by her boss.  There are laws about these kind of things and I am very familiar with them.  But anyway, I hope your experience was good.

In a related matter, one of my readers “gets turned on when [her] crotch is touched”.  Well, at least you know it works.  That’s good stuff.

“Gift for boss who is leaving”  Please.  I wish.  I would buy him a fantastic gift if only he would just LEAVE.  I am not so fortunate.

“The guy I like asked me to watch a movie.”  What?!  What is this guy’s problem anyway?  Guys expect so much these days.  Just be firm – if you don’t watch a movie, then don’t.  No means no.  Was it porn?

“This guy bit me when he kissed me.”  Vampire.  That is the only explanation I can think of.  And sometimes biters only learn their lesson when you bite them back.  Do what you gotta go. 

And finally, this last one has me a little perplexed – “pooping on purpose in diapers”.  Well…..hmm.  At least it was on purpose?  Congrats on your bowel control?  I think you might be ready to make a trial run without the diapers.  Give it a go.  Report back.

Thanks, readers!!!!  Keep ‘em coming.  I like to be of service, and these type of inquiries help to guide me in future posts – it helps to know what you are looking for.  I don’t want to going on and on ad nauseum about my job, my boyfriend, my age, etc. when there are other importan issues that need to be discussed.

Respect?

{ March 4, 2008 @ 4:24 am } · { dating, indoor sports, is it just me?, neuroses, random thoughts, relationships, sex }
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 A while ago I wrote a post about a girl I knew in high school who writes very naughty blogs on her myspace page for everyone to see.  They aren’t even set to private.  Anyway, at the time I relayed how my friend ManWhore got all excited when I told him about it, and he sent her an email right away.  That was a couple of months ago.  I should probably link to it here, because I know all of you readers are just SO interested.  Anyway, here it is.

So today ManWhore told me that she has been chatting him up lately.  And I know from her blog that she is getting tired of her current FB, because despite his very large package, he very rarely ever does anything for her because she always gives him a BJ and then he is done (interesting to note:  her AUNT was the first commenter on that specific post).  Anyway, ManWhore asked me if it would bother me if (when) he hooks up with her. 

Of course it wouldn’t bother me.  But it did make me feel a little strange.  Once upon a time, ManWhore and I had a little thing…..

I’ve mentioned on here that I didn’t date for a really long time.  A long, LONG time.  About 8 years.  And not on purpose.  It was sad times.  But anyway, so my friend, who didn’t know ManWhore enough to know that he was, well, a whore, attempted to hook me up with him.  He lives kind of far away, so we had a lot of email/chat interactions for quite some time before we ever met.  Over chat we were a great match.  Similar personalities (in some ways), similar sense of humor, etc.  We clicked pretty well.  He didn’t tell me that he had such a past (or present), and I guess I thought he was like me.  Lonely.  Looking for something.   

Well, so he came to see me one day.  Drove quite a long way to see me on a work night.  And he had certain expectations, which definitely went unmet.  I guess he thought I was kidding when I said I wasn’t that kind of girl.  No matter how much you talk to someone over the internet/phone, it is still brand new when you meet in person, and it was fairly awkward.   So anyway, I didn’t sleep with him that night. 

It was after that that he told me, reluctantly, that he has quite the list of conquests.  Literally, a list.  A very very LONG list.  Meanwhile, I had a measly 2 people on my list (which hasn’t gotten long enough to memorialize on paper).  And eventually I did sleep with him.  Don’t judge, readers, it had been 8 YEARS.  So I had to get back in the saddle somehow.  But it never was the same for me once I realized that he wasn’t like me, lonely and looking for something more, so I knew what I was getting into.   I was just one in a line of girls/women that he charmingly chatted up with only the hopes of getting laid.  And that’s ok. 

But the point of my post is that though I was somewhat disappointed (at the time) that things didn’t pan out, I was more disappointed that he didn’t see that I wasn’t that kind of girl.  I never saw myself that way – like just any other girl.  I don’t know why.  I thought that my self esteem (as it related to dating/relationships with men) was pretty low.    I hadn’t been asked out on a date or even looked at in many, many years.  I didn’t have high expectations for relationships, but even with the lack of attention from the opposite sex, I thought of myself as too special to just treat like I was just some random girl, to just be used for sex.  I was actually surprised that he thought of me that way.  I never saw myself that way, as a girl who could be easily dismissed, that one wouldn’t want more with.

I guess even though I’ve had some very low years being lonely and feeling bad about myself, I am lucky that I do respect myself in that way.  And I don’t know if I would have realized that I actually felt that way about myself if it weren’t for the situation with ManWhore.  And quickly after I realized ManWhore wasn’t the kind of guy I was looking for, I went and started the online dating thing, because I had found some confidence.  

ManWhore and I are now great friends.  He is actually the person I am most open and honest with.  It is so easy because he has absolutely no shame.  And he is thus not judgmental.  And sometimes it is just easier to talk to people who have no link to your real life – don’t know your real friends, will never come into contact with your boyfriend.  So I spill my guts to him.

Do I care if he hooks up with the girl from my high school?  No.  I knew when I became a number (I asked him that my name be omitted) on his list that there were many women before me, and there would be many to come.  But it just reminded me of how strange it made me feel when I realized that not every guy was going to understand that I wasn’t just another random girl.  And then I felt sad that this girl from HS apparently doesn’t feel that way about herself.