Archive for April, 2008

Freaking me out…

{ April 21, 2008 @ 4:12 am } · { dating, love, random thoughts, relationships, sex, worries }
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So last night I was up at B’s house.  Now, I don’t normally tell bedroom stories, and I’m still not really going to do so here, but B said something to me last night that had my heart pounding for a moment. 

So we had just finished up in the bedroom, and I had gone to the bathroom to clean up.  When I came back, I noticed a huge wet spot, on my side of course (he always comes over to my side, for that specific reason, I believe).  Anyway, I said something like, “damn it, B, look what you did”.  Not seriously mad, of course, I just like to give him shit about it. 

Anyway, here’s what he said:  The cat did it.

*Crickets*

So I’m sure most of you are thinking, what’s the big deal, right?  Well, for those of you who are reading Kara’s interview with other bloggers, you probably saw the interview she did with Markalan.   Well, the interview contained a link to a post that Markalan had written about a very funny bedroom incident in which he and his wife told their child that the cat had thrown up on the bed. 

Oh, and I should mention that B doesn’t have a cat.

So I thought of Markalan’s post when B said the cat did it, because I just read it last week.  I thought, OMG, he’s seen my blog.  Which is ridiculous, of course.  Because to even have seen that post, he would have to read my blog, and Kara’s, and Markalan’s.   So then I stopped freaking out in my head, because it just isn’t that probable.  I’m not even sure he knows that blogs exist.

But B?  If you are here?  Hi!  Love you!  Don’t go back and read the archives, k?

Hehe.

Random though, no?

I’ve got it under control…

{ April 17, 2008 @ 4:15 am } · { boobs, dating, is it just me?, life, love, neuroses, random thoughts, relationships, worries }
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I have a hard time allowing someone to take care of me.  It feels like giving in, somehow.  Like admitting that I can’t do it all, and showing my weakness(es). 

I’ve been having some car trouble for quite some time now, and have just been ignoring it.  I really detest spending money on car repairs, so if it isn’t literally broken, then I won’t fix it.  But it has been getting worse and worse, and B has been riding my ass like Zorro to get it fixed (incidentally, he is the type of guy who takes his car in to get looked at the minute his service engine soon light comes on.  Um…yeah, opposites attract, right?)  He explained the problem to his friend, who is a mechanic, and he basically said that it sounded like a problem wherein I can expect my wheel(s) to fall off sometime in the very immediate future.  Perfect.

So I had to get it fixed.  And for some reason, every time I think about getting my car fixed, I get immediately overwhelmed with the details – mostly, who do I take my car to?  As a woman, it is hard to trust a mechanic not to take advantage of my mechanical stupidity.  So B wanted me to bring my car up for his friend to fix.  This presents a few logistical problems, as he lives about 45 minutes away from me, and I need my car to get around. 

But I didn’t really have a choice, and I was already at B’s house on Sunday night, so we decided that I would take my car in to his friend on Monday morning, and then I would rent a car.  B wanted me to just drop him off at work and just take his car, but I really really didn’t want to inconvenience him.  I don’t like other people to be bothered with my problems.

But then we went to the rental car agency, and the representative asked me for my driver’s license and credit card.  And then I realized that I had left my driver’s license in my work bag, and I told the guy that.  “Are you serious?” asked B.  Um….yeah.  He clearly doesn’t know what it is like to have to switch bags all the time.  It is not easy, folks!

So anyway, he had to rent the car then, and I just took his car.  Off I went to work, and B called me with the diagnosis within about an hour and a half.   $1000 and a few hours later, I had a fixed car, so I had to drive back up to B’s so that we could do the car switcheroo again.

Anyway, not to make a short story long, but my point was that if I had just followed my instincts, I would have just went to the Honda dealer to get it fixed, figured out how to get from work from there, and probably paid twice as much to get it fixed.  And there would have been a lot of whining involved, I’m sure.  But nobody else would have had to deal with my problem.

But as much as I want to be perfect at taking care of myself, sometimes it feels nice to let someone lighten the load just a little bit, and make the problem solving easier.  And I think it made B feel good to be able to help me, because that is what loved ones are for. 

Once I read a guy’s profile on an online dating website that said something to the effect of “I am looking for a woman who will love me and who will allow me to love her.  It sounds so simple, but it really is hard to find a woman who will let herself be loved.” 

I didn’t quite understand it at the time (and I never emailed him because I thought he was out of my league looks-wise, right Kara?), but I think it is kind of the same thing that I’ve been talking about.  Women are so independent and self-sufficient these days, and have a hard time giving up a little bit of self-control and letting a guy in.  But everyone wants to feel like they are bringing something to the table in a relationship, so I think we (or at least I) need to ease up a little and let them show what they have to give.

Anyway.

On a wholly unrelated note, I still keep getting searches on my blog for “MollyElizabeth’s boobs” and now I got one for “Kara’s boobs”.  What gives?  I mean, I’m sure that Molly Elizabeth and Kara both have fantastic breasts, but you won’t find them here.  And I have to say, I’m a little jealous that you folks aren’t searching out my breasts.  This is my blog, people.  I’m just saying. 

 

You are making it so hard to stay away…

{ April 3, 2008 @ 12:40 am } · { gym, size, tv, what am I doing with my life? }
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So last night I ventured back to the gym.  I wish I could say that I’ve missed the gym after many months of abstaining from exercise, but that just isn’t the case.  But it was fine.  It was very quick, because I decided, in a total panic after stepping on the scale (which I have been avoiding as of late out of fear) to go to the gym only an hour before it closed (damn you, Biggest Loser for making me feel inspired!).  So I scrambled around, getting dressed and trying to remember everything I needed for my gym bag – water bottle, gym card, iPod, face towel, and took off.  Anyway, I did a quick little workout, and that was that.

Is it bad that the main reason I’m thinking about going back is that I when I got there I found that the gym had installed tvs at every machine?   Now I’m picturing myself settling in on the treadmill for three hours worth of Thursday night programming (as if, seriously).   Although I have my doubt that the other gym patrons really want to hear my weekly commentary/rant during episodes of the mysterious and utterly frustrating Lost.  And don’t even get me started on The Bachelor (seriously, ladies, keep your panties to yourself on date one).   But is it really so wrong that the only thing that could possibly get my lazy ass off of the couch and to the gym on a regular basis is my love of tv?

If it is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.  And maybe next time I’ll go back they’ll have cookies there, too.   Aahhh, a girl can dream.

You’re Beautiful…?

{ April 1, 2008 @ 9:14 pm } · { random thoughts }
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Is it okay to think you are not beautiful?

I had a conversation with my friend Jaded today, and it is not unlike conversations that I’ve had with other people, and what I’m wondering is this:  If you don’t think you are beautiful does that automatically mean you have low self esteem?

I mean, let’s be fair, not everybody is beautiful (and I’m talking physical appearance here, folks).  Do we all agree on that?  In my vocabulary, words to describe physical appearance have a heirarchy – cute, pretty, beautiful.  Of course there are a lof of other adjectives that can be used to describe the same thing, but I think those are the most common.  Jaded told me she uses those three words interchangeably. 

Anyway, the conversation started when we were talking about bridesmaids.  I said I had been a bridesmaid 8 times.  She said, “you are just like the girl in that movie.”  Now, as much as I would like to pretend that I am Katherine Heigl, I’m not.  So I, predictably, said, “yeah, I’m just like her except that I’m not tall, thin and beautiful.”  She went on to say that I could be thin and beautiful. 

So I told her that I could be thinnER, yes, but I don’t ever imagine that I could be someone who is actually thin.  I just like cookies too much (and seriously, why do they have to be SO GOOD??).  But extra 20 pounds or no extra 20 pounds (ok, maybe more like 30), I would still not be beautiful.  It isn’t in the cards for me.  I would be cute at best.  And that is ok, not everyone is beautiful. 

So then immediately the conversation switched over to the “why do you do this to yourself, why are you so hard on yourself” crap.  But I like to think of it just as living in reality.  And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. 

And yes, I understand the whole concept of beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  My mom and I often argue about who is beautiful and who is not.  Mostly I think people are, and she thinks they aren’t (ie Angelina Jolie – my mom thinks she is homely).    But even so, I think some people are undeniably beautiful and some are undeniably not. 

But now as I think about it, I’m starting to talk myself out of the whole thing.  Because probably everybody has someone who thinks they are beautiful, no?  But then again, just because my grandma thinks that I’m beautiful doesn’t mean that I am.  Love is blind, after all.

Anyway,  I don’t know.  But I just don’t think not thinking you are beautiful is necessarily cause for concern.  I don’t think it has to mean that you need to work on your self-esteem. 

Anyway.

Don’t you wish I had a real topic to discuss?