After my last post, several of you dear readers asked me what I think about the possibility of moving in with B.
My feelings on the subject are somewhat mixed at this point.
On the pro side? Well, first and foremost, we would get to be together a lot more. We would be more intimate, more honest, more real, and learn a lot of things about each other that we don’t already know. Our lives would be more together, and not so clearly his life and my life. And that would be great. I want to be able to share myself with someone, with B. My life for so long has been just about me.
Some of those things fall on the con side as well. I guess I’m afraid to be that completely intimate and open. Of course, I’m always myself when I’m around B and try to be honest about everything. But still, the times that we share right now are easy and carefree. We don’t share any responsibilities.
When I think about the fact that there are a lot of things I don’t know about him and a lot of things he doesn’t know about me, it makes me very nervous. And not really because of the things I don’t know about him, but mostly because of the things he doesn’t know about me. It’s nothing I could say in so many words, nothing specifically I have been keeping from him, but I just don’t think I’m a picnic to live with.
I’m a slob. But I always clean before he comes over here, so he doesn’t really know that.
Also? I’ve been living completely alone for 8 years. I’ve gotten used to it. I like it. I can do what I want when I want, or nothing at all if I so choose. I can leave the dishes in the sink for tomorrow if I want to. I can sit around in various states of undress. I can watch what I want to watch on tv, I can eat what I want and when I want, I can go to bed as early or late as I want, and I can wake up as early or late as I want. My money is my money and my debts are my debts.
Geez, selfish much? I know, I know. And like I said earlier – I never intended my whole life to be entirely and wholly about ME.
So anyway, despite the fact that I just spent about 5 paragraphs being all negative about it, if everything fell into place (or rather we made everything fall into place), I would probably move in with him. Because otherwise, what am I doing? Things will never really progress past a certain point with this relationship if I don’t. I’m sure it would be great, but I’m just a cautious person by nature, and I have trouble making even the smallest decisions. I’m so afraid of making mistakes. So that decision would be a big one for me.
I guess I had always pictured me moving up BY him at some point (but still in my own place) and easing into it a little more. Who knows. It just depends on timing and any number of other factors.
Later!
tasithoughts Said:
on June 5, 2008 at 5:10 am
Ultimately the decision is whether cohabitation will enhance your relationship and build the love that you have for each other. Any decision you make has an element of risk. Is the risk worth the desired outcome?
singlefabulous Said:
on June 5, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I totally know what you mean because this is how I feel after over a year 1/2 of living sans roommate or significant other. Moving in together IS a big step…I recall when my ex and I moved in together I definitely experienced some growing pains at first, but it was also really wonderful once that initial stuff was sorted out. My thinking is, if you are going to be with B. in the long run, all those things you are worried about are going to come out eventually, just a matter of whether it’s now or later. I’m excited for you!!
kara Said:
on June 6, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Moving in together could be a great thing! I think that the beginning adjustment can be hard — esp. regarding the things you like to do in your own place. But before you know it, you’ll be doing those things again even with him around.
But only move in if you really want to. If you’re not feeling 100% about it, don’t do it.