Archive for April, 2009

Movin’ On Up (Or Not)

{ April 28, 2009 @ 3:52 am } · { love, moving in, relationships }
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I feel sort of hopeless about the moving in together thing.  Like it may never happen.

I already knew there were obstacles.  Like I discussed in my last post.  He has a condo, he has to sell it, that could take a long time, blah blah blah.  You’ve heard it all before. 

But I was at his place over the weekend, and he was showing me some houses that he was looking at online.  And I said, “Babe, do you anticipate buying a house that is currently on the market[?]“, because it seems impossible to me that it could all happen quickly enough.  We started talking about the whole thing.

Then we came to money issues.  Namely, how the hell does one come up with 20% down?  I have quite a bit of money saved, but certainly not 20%.  He has equity in his condo, so when he sells it, he’ll have that money.  It might get us close to 20%.  But not quite.  So then he started talking about how I might be eligible for first time home-buyers programs.  Ok, fine.

But I had to break it to him that I don’t intend for us to jointly purchase property without any kind of commitment in our relationship.  I’ve been reluctant to bring it up, because I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing him into something or that I’m punishing him for not having asked me to marry him yet.  I just don’t think it is a smart idea.  Because if we break up?  We’ll basically have to go through a divorce without ever having been married.  We will have to sell the house, or one of us will have to buy the other one out of the property.  A huge mess. 

So then what are our options?  He could buy the house alone.  But then he will get approved for much less of a mortgage since I won’t be on it.  So our housing choices will be much more limited.  Ugh. 

Am I shooting myself in the foot here?  I don’t want to make it more difficult, but I also don’t want to jump the gun. Buying a house is a big deal for me.  Moving in together is a big deal for me.  I don’t take it lightly. 

So anyway, he basically said, well, I don’t think we should make more of a commitment until we live together.  And I understand that, I do.  I could go either way, myself.  I don’t mind living together before getting married, but I could do it the other way too. 

But the fact that he is so adamant about us living together before getting engaged or married sort of reinforces my point, I think.  What is basically boils down to is that he isn’t sure.  And why do I want to tie myself financially to someone who isn’t sure?

I don’t love it that he is still unsure, but I do understand it.  He’s just being careful and cautious, and that is not a bad thing.  I’m not one to rush into anything either, but it really is getting to be time.  I need to know that this is going where I want it to go, and that it isn’t going to take several more years to get there. 

We haven’t talked about marriage really at all because he brought it up and I didn’ t want bring it up because I didn’t want to be THAT girl.  Always talking (whining) about getting married.  I didn’t want to push him (or anyone) into marrying me.  It’s just so cliche – you know?   But as my friend recently reminded me, “you have to be some form of THAT girl.  THAT girl?  Is married.  You are not.  Do the math.”

I also didn’t want to be THAT girl who is desperately listening to her biological clock ticking.  Because we know how it ends for that girl (Mary and Bachelor Bob, anyone?).  In three and a half hears I will be 35, and I think we all know what that means (unless you happen to be male, dear reader).  I’ve never been concerned with things happening at a certain pace or in a certain time, but now I find myself concerned about it.  I want things to happen totally organically, but maybe that isn’t realistic.  I don’t know. 

I know it will all work out, I just want it to be sooner rather than later.  And I’m getting impatient.

At a snail’s pace…

{ April 16, 2009 @ 9:26 pm } · { dating, life, moving in }
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Hello people!

What’s new?  Is it just me, or is it easier to write blog posts when something is going wrong?  Seems I can only find material if I want to complain about something.  Hence my absence from the blog for the last couple of months.  I should be interesting enough to be able to write about my life, even in good times.  But, well folks, I’m just not. 

Let’s see, where were we?

B and I moving in together.  Will happen sometime.  But evidently no time in the foreseeable future.  You’d think it would be easier.  We are two grown adults, both wanting to live together.  But no.  I can pretty much pick up and move at any time.  I am not the problem. 

B has a condo.  It is far too tiny for me to move in there with him.  So he needs to sell his place.  But before he sells the place he needs to fix the crack in the ceiling and get a new tub/shower.  Both of which he has been talking about since I’ve known him.  I’ve been riding him about this stuff lately.  His friend (always nice to befriend a contractor) can do it for him, and don’t worry because, “it won’t take Mark long to fix this at all.”  Ok, so DO IT!!!  But first he needs to get an estimate, and then approved by the condo board and blah blah blah.  Ok, dude, but please, just do something!

Now, mind you, even once he does this stuff, we are still not in the clear.  He still has to sell the place.  Which is not looking too great since there are several units for sale in his building.  One of which has been up for 1.5 year and another that has been for sale for 2.5 years. 

Awesome.  So basically by the time he gets the stuff done, gets the place on the market, and gets it sold, all of my good child-bearing years will be gone. 

I know this all begs the question (which my mother already asked):  does he really want to move in with me?  But he does.  I’m confident about that.  It was all his idea to begin with.  And he never really worries about how long it will take to sell his condo because he had always planned to borrow money from his parents to buy a bigger place and just pay them back when his place sold.

Um, no.  Maybe that was a fine idea before I was in the picture.  But I’m not comfortable borrowing money from his mother so that we can live together, even temporarily.

So we wait. 

And I’m pretty sure that every time I tell my landlord I need another extension/lease for 3 more months or 6 more months, or whatever, he laughs behind my back.  Because any way I slice it, I am not getting out of that apartment any time soon.

NEXT UP:  The only man on earth who doesn’t want to vacation (for free) in Hawaii.  Otherwise known as my boyfriend.