Archive for goals

Home again

{ July 14, 2008 @ 3:29 am } · { aging, dating, friends, goals, life, relationships, weekend }
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Well, this weekend I left my car woes behind and took a trip home.  My girlfriends and I continued our 30th Birthday tour with my friend Tara’s birthday.  Tara is easily one of the best people I know.  Such a sweetheart and she would do anything for anyone.  I just love her.

Anyway, Tara’s big day was this weekend, so one of my other friends hosted a party at her house.  B was able to come with me, which was great (and also necessary since I was not going to be driving too far on my donut spare tire).  I like for him to come home with me, so he can get to know my friends better and because I think it is the best way for him to really know me in a way that I don’t think is fully accomplished otherwise.  Of course I try to be completely myself all of the time around B and his friends, but of course I don’t relate to his friends in the same way I relate to my own.  I just have so much fun with them, and I know B can see that.  And I think he really enjoys himself too.  My girlfriends like to ask inappropriate questions, and I enjoy watching B squirm and try to answer their questions. 

Last night one of my friends asked him where was the most unusual place that he’s ever had sex, and he just made up some silly answer.  He didn’t really have an answer.  He and I really need to work on that, because I don’t have a good answer for that question either.  I think we need to be more adventurous. 

One of my friends had a baby about a month ago.  I hadn’t met her yet, so I was excited when they came to the party for a little while with the baby.  When she was born she was only 4 pounds, and she is now up to 9 pounds, but she was still so so tiny.  And sweet.  I just loved her.  So I held her for quite some time.  B came inside after a while (he was outside with the boys while us girls were inside oohing and aahing over the baby) and said he some of them came outside to make a point of telling him I held the baby and I was doing a good job (although there is nothing too tricky about it).  Apparently that was big news.  You know how women are, “Oooh, J’s holding the baby!  I think she’s ready to have kids.”  Funny.  But whoa!!  No, definitely not ready yet.  I love babies (and children) and definitely feel the clock ticking and that little twinge when I see babies, but situationally, I’m not in the right place.  I try to picture me and my little baby living in my tiny one bedroom apartment, and me with no maternity insurance and no paid maternity leave.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure it isn’t the right time.

Anyway, a couple of you have expressed interest in a topic I discussed a while ago – how B and I had briefly talked about living together.  Nothing really new has developed in that area.  The problem is that right now we live and work pretty far apart, and I’m not anxious to add a long long commute onto my day.  So we won’t really explore the moving in together thing until one or both of us has a new job.  But its not like I’m actively hitting the job trail.  I need a new job and I do a lot of looking around for a new job, but that is about as far as it goes.  I’m somewhat intimidated by the whole job search/interview process, so that holds me back.  But I think a new job is definitely something that needs to happen within the next year, so I’m going to have to be more proactive about it.  And B wants a new job too, so at some point I think it will all come together, but it isn’t happening right now.  So we don’t really talk about it all that much because of the other changes that need to happen first. 

Oh, why do the weekends go so fast??  There’s just never enough time.  It’s Monday morning again tomorrow, and I’m just dreading it.

Stuff

{ May 20, 2008 @ 3:31 am } · { Blogroll, goals, life, random thoughts, size, weight loss, work }
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Do ya’ll use Google Reader?  Maybe you’ve all been using it forever and I’m just really slow on the uptake, but seriously?  If you don’t use it, definitely check it out.  I subscribed to all of my favorite blogs and it tells me when someone has published a new post, and I don’t have to go to 137 blogs 10 times a day (obsessive, no?) to see if someone has posted.  I just sit back and let Google Reader do the work for me.  I can’t tell you how much time it saves me.  And it suggests new blogs to me all the time, and sometimes I add those too, because why not?  Seriously, check it out.

Anyway, I’ll move on to the real topic of this post.  Except I don’t really have one. 

Work?  Has been super stressful lately.  The crazy (my clients) just seem to be getting crazier.  I mean, majorly.  They have been calling and calling everyday, and my patience is wearing SO thin.  People hire me and my firm to handle their problems and to give our best advice.  But still, they think they know better.  One of my clients told me “I know the law.”  Um, yeah, so do I.  I spend what is not an insignificant amount of time researching the law, reading cases, and writing briefs.  So as far as knowing the law goes, I’m pretty sure I have a leg up on my client.  But fine, don’t take my advice.  See where that gets you.

One of B’s friend’s wife, Emily, upon finding out that I am an attorney, said that she always thought that would be cool.  She likes her job in corporate America, but it isn’t like actually helping people like I do. 

The problem is though, that my job day to day is pretty fucking thankless.  There are rare moments when I am able to help someone, and they are grateful, and I feel the satisfaction of being of some use to someone.  But day to day?  It is like babysitting.  Like being a counselor or somone’s best friend.  But it can be very personally taxing.  I will listen patiently and sympathize while someone sits with me and cries about their problems.  But by and large?  I don’t have the ability to fix their problems.  At least not in any immediate way.   

I can file a lawsuit for you.  But I can’t help you pay your bills while you are out of a job and being a single mother to a little boy.  Maybe what I can get you eventually will make it all better.  But maybe I can’t get you anything or maybe it won’t solve all of your problems.  Sometimes it just feels like a heavy weight.

Speaking of heavy weight…..I’m finding that I SUCK at the weight loss.  Seriously bad at it.  Turns out I’m not good at deprivation of any kind.  I always let loose on the weekends.  Then I’ll get to Monday and tell myself that I’m going to be more serious about it.  Then IMMEDIATELY  I start whining (in my head) about how much it sucks that I can’t eat whatever is the current object of my craving.  I start feeling sorry for myself, thinking about HOW LONG it has been since I got to eat anything good.  Then I come back to reality and think, oh yeah, that was just yesterday. 

I need to step up my game.  And get over the fact that it is going to require some sacrifice. 

Any suggestions, dear readers?  Any good low cal/fat recipes?  Anything you like to do to keep in shape? 

But Corner Bakery and their 800 calorie chopped salad can fuck me. 

Good night!

Weight just a minute….

{ May 12, 2008 @ 4:25 am } · { goals, size, weight loss }
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So as I’ve said before, B and I are doing this biggest loser couples edition weight loss competition against my mom and stepdad.  We just finished up our first week.

I was getting frustrated with B because he didn’t seem to be modifiying his eating habits.  During the first week I know he had pizza at least twice, I personally saw him eating a ginormous burrito, and his friend Ben told me that he has not been behaving (food-wise) at work.  So I was kinda riding his ass like Zorro. 

Meanwhile, I was really trying to eat healthier foods.  I spent nearly twice as much as I normally do at the grocery store stocking up on fruits and a vegetable.  And other good choices.  I (following the advice of SELF) made salad dressing with cornstarch-thickened vegetable stock instead of oil (that one needs some work – it was not so tasty).  I made chocolate cupcakes using pumpkin to replace the oil and eggs (also not that great because the texture was off and there was no frosting).  Certainly I was eating perfectly (no thanks to Cold Stone), but I was trying. 

We weigh in on Thursdays, so when B and I were eating dinner on Sunday night (me eating a Thai Salad, B eating a huge cheesy burrito), I very casually asked him what his weight loss plan was going to be for the week.  He told me that he was going to give up drinking soda at work.

I sat there quietly, nodding my head encouragingly, waiting for the rest of his plan.  But no, that was his entire plan.   Um….we are not going to be winning any competition with him just giving up soda, I thought.  But I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to nag him.

But in my head I was all self-righteous.  I am trying to eat healthier, to lose weight.  Clearly I am going to have to carry this team.  Maybe if I can get off to a good start, B will get his act together. 

B and his no soda for 4 days?  Lost 5 pounds.  Me?  1.8. 

Yeah.  Guess I’ll shut up and just worry about myself. 

Oh, and perusing cooking blogs with beautiful food pictures all day every day while in self-deprivation mode?  Is torture.   But I’m just that kind of girl. 

Baseball, Flights, and Losers

{ May 1, 2008 @ 4:50 am } · { baseball, dating, family, goals, love, random thoughts, relationships, travel }
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So B and I took Friday off and went to DC for a long weekend. My mom, stepdad and sister live there, so we stayed with them. B planned the weekend because his Cubs were playing the Nats at their new stadium, so my mom got tickets through work for Friday and Saturday nights’ games.  Initially my mom had just gotten tickets for the Saturday game.  I had already told B, no, we are not going to both games – there are plenty of other things to do in DC, but my mom was really worried the game on Saturday would get rained out, so she got tickets for Friday so poor little B wouldn’t have to go an entire trip with no baseball.

Following is a bit of conversation between my mom and I at the game.  Keep in mind that my sister and I played softball for years, so she is not new to softball/baseball games.  But it has been a long time.  Here you go:

(Mom was complaining that baseball games are boring, and one of the Nats just got the first home run of the game):

Mom:  Oh, FINALLY somebody got a home run.

Me:  Mom, it is only the bottom of the first inning.

Mom:  Still, I’ve been waiting forever.  Hockey is way more exciting than this.

(And here, in about the 3rd or 4th inning):

Mom:  Hey, [J], how long are the halfs?

Me:  Huh?  Ma, this is not being timed.  

Mom:  No, I mean, when is halftime?

Me:  Are you new or something?  This is BASEBALL, there is no halftime. 

Mom:  Oh, that’s right.  This really doesn’t move as fast as hockey.

Me:  Mother, enough about the hockey already!

 

Anyway, we had a good time.  This is the first time that B and my family have been able to spend any real time in each others’ company (and now that I think about it, it is also the most consecutive time he has ever spent in MY company).  I think it went well.  B is very easygoing, and he is easy to please.  The weather is beautiful, so we were able to do some sightseeing, which I’ve done before, but it is always nice to do again.   Also we did some Wii playing (tennis and bowling), and I’m ashamed to say that I am too out of shape even to play the Wii.  My tennis arm hurt for a couple of days, which is pretty pathetic for a girl who was the captain of and the top seeded player on her tennis team.  But hey, I’m not as young as I used to be.  What can you do.

B and I had some tense moments at the airport.  As I’ve mentioned before, we have very different traveling styles.  B is a nervous flier, and he likes to be at the airport at least 2 hours early.  I, on the other hand, prefer to go at the last minute (partly because I don’t want to sit there and wait and partly because I’m just always late, everywhere I go).  Usually when we travel, I just go along with B’s plan, because both times we have flown, he has paid for my flight with his miles, so I feel like I should accommodate him. 

But on Sunday afternoon, I was just running behind, and as I was trying to get ready, he kept telling me, “babe, we really need to go”.  The second time (as I was packing), I said, “what the hell do you think I’m doing here, just fucking around?”  And I didn’t use my nicest voice.  So I was kind of irritated.  When we got to the airport, through security, and sitting on the tram to take us to the other side of the airport to the gate, I told him “[f]or the record (we attorneys are always concerned about “the record”), I have never missed a flight.  Not ever.”  He, in turn, told me “I just don’t like to cut it close….for the record.”  He didn’t use his nicest voice either.    So I silent treatmented him for a while (I know, so mature).  I don’t think he minded.

But by the time we got on the plane, we were both over it.

In other news, B and I and my Mom and Stepdad decided to have a Biggest Loser Couples Edition competition between the four of us.  All of us would like to lose some weight and just be healthier in general, and wanted to have an incentive to do so.  So tomorrow it begins and it ends on Labor Day.  I’m not so much looking forward to it, but being a little slimmer for summer would not be a bad thing.  Today I lived it up and I had a burrito for lunch (and the other half for dinner) and then walked uptown for some Cold Stone.  Mmmmmmm. 

So now I’m trying to dream up some healthy meals to cook.  This is tricky, since I’m not crazy about a lot of vegetables.  I’m better than I used to be, but still not that great.  If any of you have ideas, I’d love to hear them. 

Hopefully this competition won’t cause problems for B and I.  Already he told me that he thinks I’m the weakest link (note – I just read through this post about 3 times before I realized I had that written as “linkest weak”) ,  because I don’t work out regularly like he does.  I asked him what was so great about working out 4-5 times a week and never losing any weight (like he does)?  How does that make him better than me?  But I think it will be ok.  He and I like to cook together on the weekends when I’m there, so we can work on making healthier choices and think of some fun physical activities to do together (besides the obvious, of course).   And if we win, we’ll have a little more cash in our pockets!  I’m ready to bring my A-game, and hopefully B is too.   

Anyway, Happy Thursday!

Wallowing

{ January 21, 2008 @ 4:07 am } · { aging, dating, goals, is it just me?, life, neuroses, random thoughts, what am I doing with my life?, worries }
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I’m still in a funk. 

I had a dream on Friday night.  B and I were (inexplicably) at a street fair in Cincinnati.  We don’t live anywhere near Cincinnati.  But anyway, there were hoards of people, and somehow we got separated.  I don’t remember how, but I do remember it was his fault.  So I looked around for him for a while, and then I called him and asked him where he was, but before he could answer, my cell phone battery went dead.  So I kept walking around and around and around trying to find him – for hours.  I was crying and was really frustrated, and I couldn’t even borrow a stranger’s phone to call him because I don’t even know his number (the hazard of never actually dialing phone numbers anymore).   I woke up without having found him and I was actually crying in my sleep. 

So who cares about dreams, right?  But when I woke up, I could hear B’s voice in my head saying, in that I’m-talking-to-a-child” voice, “well, you should have charged your phone last night”.

 So when I think about getting more serious with B, I start to feel a little panicked.  What it boils down to is that I’m not sure I bring enough to the table. 

 I am not quite the responsible citizen that B is:  I don’t charge my cell phone every night, I don’t go to the mechanic as soon as my “service engine soon” light comes on, I almost always let my gas tank get to “E” before I go to fill up, I don’t go to the dentist every 6 months, I don’t have life, renter’s, or dental insurance, I don’t clean my bathroom every Thursday, and I don’t have a 401(k).  The list goes on and on. 

Furthermore, I have no money or assets to speak of.  In fact, I come with student loan debt somewhere in the six figures, and a credit score that is less than perfect. 

I guess I’m not sure why someone would want to be with me, outside of just some good times.  I mean, really be with me, share a life and responsibilities with me.  I still feel like a child in that regard, and I thought I’d be smarter by the time I got to this age. 

*Sigh*

Thirty something…

{ January 18, 2008 @ 3:21 am } · { aging, goals, is it just me?, life, neuroses, random thoughts, what am I doing with my life?, work, worries }
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So today my friend asked me how I feel about turning 30 in a month.  My mood went from cheerful to depressed in about 10 seconds flat. 

Not great, that’s how I feel.  Like I’m still perpetually behind the eight ball.   Which seemed ok, I guess, during my twenties (not that I liked it).   I look around to see what I have to show for my nearly 30 years, and what I find, folks?  It ain’t much.     

I didn’t make enough of my twenties.  I spent too much time being self-conscious and not enough time enjoying life.  Too much time playing bit parts in the lives of others and too little time making something of my own life.  Too much time in my head and not enough time out in the world – meeting new people, breathing in the fresh air and lifting my face to the sun.    And I didn’t appreciate my beautiful youthful skin the way I should have – the way I would now if I had it back.  Regrettably, I allowed those years to just pass by me.  Those years are coming to a close and I’ve only just begun to enjoy them.

 I don’t mean to be all melodramatic, like 30 is so old or that the end of my life is closing in (although one never knows).

It’s just…..not only am I not where I thought I would be when I was 30, I’m not where I realistically should be.  When one is 15 or 20, you have an idea of where you should be at 30, but I don’t know how realistic it really is.  I’ve been out of school for almost 5 years now, but I still feel like a student.  For that matter, I still live like a student.  I still live in the same small apartment, still drive the same car, I’m not married, I don’t have children – my life is still all about me.  The only thing different is that my parents no longer support me (regrettably) and now I actually have to pay my student loans instead of just taking them out (DEFINITELY regrettable).   I just haven’t come far enough.  It has been years since my friends all passed certain milestones (getting married, having children, buying homes), and I feel like I am not any closer to any of that than I ever have been. 

I am the most educated person I know (outside of my step-father), and the least wealthy.  I have all the tools I need, I just have been too lazy about getting ahead in the world.

*Sigh*

Clearly I’m just having a pity party wherein I lament all the things I do not have.  Allow me a moment please.  In my heart I know that I have more than 90% of the world’s population.  It is just easy to lose perspective because I don’t know that 90% of the population.  I guess I need to do some volunteering and spend more time doing something with/for those who are less privileged.  Although my work is pretty much entirely with people who are down on their luck in some way.  And to think those people turn to me for advice and assistance.  Ha!

Anyway.

Oh, and I was reading the local bar association newspaper, and I read through the obituaries, and then I started to notice that most of the deceased people were either in their 50s or 60s.  I’m not thinking the law profession is a good place to be if one is looking to live a long life.  Yikes.

This 30 stuff is messing with my head.

Beauty Is In the Eye of the Beholder (or not)

{ January 4, 2008 @ 4:19 am } · { dating, friends, goals, is it just me?, life, neuroses, random thoughts, relationships, worries }
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So I was all prepared to write a post about my resolutions/goals/dreams for the New Year.  My heart was full of goodwill and a “go get ‘em” attitude.  And then B emailed me the pictures from New Year’s Eve.  Ew.  I didn’t look so hot. 

I already felt kind of self-conscious about my appearance on New Year’s Eve.  The girls from the two other couples we were with are very cute, small girls.  We will call them Blond and Blonder.   They were wearing sexy (but not slutty) outfits.  Me?  I could stand to lose some poundage.  And I felt frumpy.  Like one of these things is not like the others. 

This is not a new feeling for me.  I’ve felt this way since I was in about the 8th grade.  And back then I definitely wasn’t overweight at all.  But somehow I often (and still) get consumed with feeling like the ugliest girl in the room. 

I know it shouldn’t matter.  I have other assets and positive attributes.  I know it is so very un-evolved of me to concern myself with such matters.  But nonetheless I am.

If that were it, I probably wouldn’t even have written this post.  But then I was talking to B about it.  I told him I always feel a little bit yucky (yes, I was using all my best words) when I am around Blond and Blonder.  And don’t get me wrong, they are both very nice girls.  I am slowly becoming friends with them.  Anyway, he asked me why I feel that way and I told him because they are very cute and shapely, and I feel gnarly and like an ogre next to them.  All he said was, “you shouldn’t worry about it.”  Sometimes I swear I must be the first woman this man has dated – he definitely doesn’t understand what response a woman is looking for when she goes on a fishing expedition.   The correct response seems obvious. 

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think I’m cute.  I really hate that.  I know he likes something about me.  Honestly, I have no clue what, because he never says.  But I want him to think I’m pretty.  The last guy I dated (briefly), CityBoy, called me beautiful all the time.  I always sort of felt that it had more to do with his vocabulary with woman than it had to do with me personally, because whatever I am, I know it isn’t beautiful.   But still.  It made me feel good.  But B?  I can’t remember him ever commenting on my looks, other than to say that I look nice. 

Why do I care?  How can I date a guy that doesn’t think I’m pretty?  Should it even matter?  I hate even to publish this post, because it is so lame.  I’m probably setting the feminist movement back about 20 years worrying about (let alone putting into words) such matters. 

So I’ll write a post about resolutions later.  Clearly one of them is going to be to get my ass back to the gym.  But right now I’m too busy whining about “why doesn’t he think I’m pretty” to concern myself with what I can do to have a good year. 

I know I’m ridiculous.  And I’m on my inactive week with my pills again.  Hmmm.  I’m starting to sense a pattern here.

In With the New

{ January 3, 2008 @ 4:21 am } · { family, friends, goals, life, love, relationships, work }
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Hello Readers!  I have missed you.  It feels like forever since I have blogged.  It feels like forever since I had enough time to sit down and even think about blogging.  But I had to spend the first hour catching up on everyone else’s blogs.  It is amazing to me how caught up I get in the lives of strangers.  I think about you guys when away from my computer for an extended period of time.  And so it is that now, in my first real chance to be home since the 21st, that I am catching up with (and to) blogs when I should be putting away Christmas gifts, unpacking my bags, cleaning my fridge, doing laundry, and/or taking out the garbage. 

So another new year begins.  I don’t feel ready.  I feel like I need another week to catch up (see chores listed above), get organized, and close out 2007.  And yet 2008 is here, ready or not. 

My holidays were nice.  Got to spend a lot of time with family – always a good time since I don’t get to see any of them very often.  Also went to B’s family Christmas.  It went well.  It was a little awkward at first, but they really tried to include me in the conversation, so that definitely helped.  Told me stories about B as a child.  Cute.   

Of course, B hasn’t said anything about what his family thought about me.  He never talks about stuff like that, and I hate to fish for it.  But some feedback would be nice!   B and I exchanged gifts later that night.  He gave me a bunch of random stuff.  He did a good job using his imagination, since I didn’t give him any ideas of what to give me.  Most of the stuff was good, and all of it was thoughtful.

But he got me a pair of Crocs.  Yep.  With the logo of my favorite baseball team.  I’m not sure what it is that I have worn in the past that suggested to him that I might consider wearing Crocs.  I’m not even sure he has ever seen me wearing tennis shoes.  He gets annoyed that I am always wearing heels, regardless of the activity.  But I’m 5′2″.  Wearing flats doesn’t seem like an option, and if I do, my pants drag on the ground.    So anyway, the Crocs.  I’ve never understood them.  For the longest time I thought they were some kind of gardening shoe (?).  I think they are desperately homely.  I’m not sure I have it in me to actually wear them, other than, say, to take the garbage out or go get the mail. 

New Year’s Eve was fun too.  B and I went out with 2 other couples.  I’m starting to loosen up more around his friends, but still not fully myself.  Getting there, though.  I went to the restroom at some point that night and noticed I had a voicemail from one of my best friends.  Just hearing her voice wishing me a Happy New Year made me tear up.  I missed being with my girlfriends. 

But I had someone to kiss at midnight!  For the very first time in my (nearly 30 years of) life.  Mmmm.  That was wonderful.  Normally I just stand around when the clock strikes midnight, smile frozen on my face, waiting for everyone else to kiss their significant other, trying to go unnoticed.  But this year I looked forward to midnight. 

And I was able to spend a good amount of time with B over the last couple of days.  Just hanging around.  It was a good time.  But seriously, when the hell is football season going to end?  Enough already, I say. 

Back to work tomorrow.  I haven’t been to work since December 20th.  It has been so so nice to have all this time off, but I think I’m ready to get back to regular life.  Ready to get back to work, get organized (I know I left my office a mess in my rush to get out), and quit lazing the days away (although that has its good points too).  And with any luck the boss will be on vacation for a couple more weeks, so I’ll have a chance to get caught up on everything without him bothering me.   

I was going to write about New Years resolutions/goals, but I think I want a little more time to think about it, firm them up in my head, figure out what is possible, what is important, and what I really want.  So more on that later. 

Happy New Year internets!  I hope all of your dreams come true in 2008.   Make it happen.   

Love or something like it….

{ August 20, 2007 @ 4:51 pm } · { dating, goals, life, love, neuroses, random thoughts, relationships, what am I doing with my life? }
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My feelings for this man have been hitting me like a ton of bricks all of the sudden.  I’ve been dating B for about 8 months, and he has slowly been growing on me that whole time,  but lately I have those three little words repeating in my head all day long like a broken record.  So far they haven’t made it past my lips. 

And yet, I’m unsure.  I don’t trust my feelings.   I’m suspicious – why all of these feelings all the sudden, how do I know if it is love, what if I’m seeing something that is not there just because I WANT to???  I feel like an 18 year old.  Ah, to be 29 and JUST NOW involved in my first relationship.  Good times. 

And my uncertainly about my own feelings does not even compare to how unsure I am about his feelings for me.  I try to piece it together, like plusses and minuses, from different moments, something he said, a look, a touch.  It doesn’t work so well.  Two plusses here, a minus there, but it never seems to add up exactly like I want it to.  I may as well get a daisy and start picking off the petals. 

It would be so much easier if he would just tell me how he feels, but I’m afraid to ask.   

Also, I’m a little ashamed to admit this, but I took a little trip to the “self help” section of Borders the other day and purchased one of those books that has all the questions you should ask someone before you marry them.  Why the shame, you ask?  Well, first and foremost, B and I are NOWHERE NEAR marriage material.  Secondly, I am an attorney, so I certainly should be able to come up with the relevant and material questions without the assistance of the self-help aisle.  But anyway, I’m always concerned that I don’t know enough about B, and he certainly hasn’t been asking me any probing questions (and why not?), and I’m worried about getting myself wrapped up in a serious relationship without REALLY knowing the guy.  So maybe I can get some good ideas, learn a little bit more about B.  Maybe even learn a little bit more about myself, because I noticed that as I was reading through some of the questions, I wasn’t sure what MY answers would be. 

So now all I need to do is figure out what I want out of life, how I want it, where I want it, etc.  No biggie.  Maybe I can set aside some time this weekend to sit down and get it all figured out.  Oh, no, I’ve got that baseball game……oh well, maybe some other time.  This growing up stuff is work.  Work I thought would be finished by the time I was 29.  Not so much.

Well, time to get back to my actual work….

    

Not quite there yet…

{ July 24, 2007 @ 11:54 pm } · { goals, life, love, random thoughts, relationships, what am I doing with my life? }
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I’m turning 30.  In 7 months.  And I don’t know why, but I was thinking about it today. 

Of course, my life is not what I thought it would be at this age.  But I’m pretty sure everyone feels that way.   And that is not to say that my life is bad, just different than anticipated.

Anyway, I’ve got some time.  And some goals.  Reachable ones.  And while my New Year’s Resolutions fall by the wayside usually by the end of the first week of the year, I am cautiously optimistic about my ability to fulfill my “30 and Fabulous” (for lack of a better title) goals.  Some are big, some small.  In the interests of accountability, I will post them here.  They are as follows (and this list is a work in progress as it is just off the top of my head):

1.  Lose some weight.  Just for me – so that my appearance doesn’t stand in the way of my self-confidence.  As we know, self-confidence affects all aspects of life (work, love, social, etc.).    I don’t need to lose a great deal, but I do need to get in shape.  And healthier wouldn’t hurt either.  So I’m bringing the sexy back.  Although saying “back” suggests that it was present at some point, which may be stretching the truth.  

Anyway, I digress.

2.  Start an investment portfolio.  Even if it is teeny-tiny.   Just seems like it is time to start thinking about my future, and not just figuring out how to get by today.

3.  Take some cooking classes.  I already can cook.  My repertoire is very limited, just because I don’t cook that much (take-out is faster and easier).  But really the reason I want to do this is just to (a) get out and cultivate some interests and (b) be around new people.  I am concerned that I don’t really have any passion(s) in life, and I don’t put myself in situations to meet new people.  Plus I am very self-conscious about cooking for other people (other than baking), so I would like to have some go-to dishes that I feel good about.

4.  Simplify, simplify, simplify.  My life is cluttered.  I have just so much STUFF.  Too many clothes, books (VERY hard to part with), shoes, etc.  This goal is two-fold:  (a)  get rid of existing stuff and (b) stop the bleeding.  Slow down on the shopping.  This sort of goes hand-in-hand with no. 3 above.  I go shopping because I’m bored.  I need other things to do to pass the time.  AND, once I slow the shopping, I won’t be spending much money, which will help with no. 2. 

I feel like I’m having one of those A-HA moments that Oprah is always talking about.  Like I’m starting to see how everything fits together. 

Of course I have much bigger goals for my life, ones that have to do with finding and being a better half, a sparkly diamond ring, and the pitter-patter of little feet, but I don’t want to overwhelm myself.  This is only 7 months that I’m talking about here.  And I figure that having my act (more) together can only help with these major goals as well. 

 Ok, that is just a start.  If/when I think of more, I’ll add them.