Archive for sex

Easy like Sunday morning…

{ September 15, 2008 @ 4:01 am } · { babies, baseball, boobs, friends, indoor sports, love, sex }
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Oh, it is Sunday evening again.  I’m just here at home, trying to soak up the last little bit of the weekend. 

I’ve had a nice weekend.  Got to see my girlfriends, got to see my B.  What more could a girl ask for?

Friday evening I went up to B’s and spent the night.  We didn’tdo much – I’m always tired on Friday nights.  But we went out for some Mexican food (my favorite) and then went back home and just hung out.  B was feeling kind of…..well…randy.  We tried some new things.  Not necessarily all things that I would be dying to do again, but it was nice to have a break from the usual.  Then we just fell asleep and went to breakfast in the morning. 

Then I drove to my hometown (about 2.24 hours) to spend some time with my girls.  Last night I went together with one of my girlfriends, and then the two of us headed over to our friend Susie’s parent’s house.  Susie and her husband and two little girls were hanging out at her parent’s house, and they wanted us to come over and visit.  It was really nice.  I really love all of my friend’s parents (keeping in mind that I’ve known all of these girls for about 15 years), and I rarely get to see them.  We all stayed up until about 2:00 in the morning just chatting away. 

Today we went party hopping.  To two birthday parties.  For one-year olds.  So yeah, exciting stuff.  But with my girlfriends, it never really matters what the activity is – we always have so much fun in each others’ company.  So despite the deafening noise of all the small children in attendance at the parties, it was a good day.  I got to hold some babies, give some adorable baby gifts, eat some cake, and spend time with friends. 

And oh, being around all these babies did not help my baby fever.  I just love their sweet little faces and I do really so look forward to being a mother, when the time is right for me.  I try not to get anxious about it, because I know it will happen eventually, but is was easier to ignore before my age started with a 3. 

Anway, I got a LOT of questions this weekend about my relationship with B.  “How is it going?  Is it serious?  Is it good?  Just good, or is it great?  Really great?  Are you in love?  If he proposed to you right now, would you be happy?  Would you be happy and just say yes?  Or would you be REALLY happy and cry and say YES!  YES!! …….”   So on and so forth.  Ad nauseum.  That kind of talk always embarasses me.  I just don’t talk like that.  It just isn’t my style.  B knows how I feel about him and I have no trouble telling him, but I’m just not a gusher.  So my face always turns red and I feel like I’m in 6th grade when my grandparents asked me about my first “boyfriend”.  Silly, I know.  But I’m just private that way. 

Cut me some slack, I come from a broken home.

While I was driving back home today, some dude on the interstate was checking me out.  You know how you can tell that another car is trying to stay even with you?  Well, he was doing that, and I looked over and he waved at me.  Then he stayed about even with me for the next 10 miles, and when he went to exit, I looked over and he blew me a kiss.  I just laughed.  Totally stupid, I know, but hey, I don’t get that much attention, so I found it amusing.  I think he liked the way my seatbelt cuts right into the middle of my boobage, thereby accenting my already too large chest.  Trust me, it’s totally hot. 

Oh, and my Sox pulled it out of their asses to win tonight, after totally blowing it in the 8th inning.  So yay!  We need all the wins we can get at this point to stay ahead of the division.

Ok, time to prepare myself for yet another week of work.  *Sigh*

I’m bringing sexy back…

{ July 17, 2008 @ 1:42 am } · { clothing, is it just me?, neuroses, random thoughts, sex, size }
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When was the first time you felt sexy?  That you had an awareness of your body?

As I was driving home from work today, I saw a group of kids, they were walking, so I’m assuming they were younger than 16.  Anyway, one of them was wearing a form-fitting shirt and seemed very self-possessed, and I suddenly flashed back to the first time I had such an awareness of my body. 

It was when I was 15.  Now, prior to that time I was not completely innocent.  I had made out with boys, had been probably to about 2nd base.  Well, rather, I had allowed a boy to get to my second base, I had never actually touched a boy.  Mostly because it had never even occurred to me. 

Its not that I hadn’t thought about my looks, because of course I had.  I worried about my hair and my clothes and the little bit of makeup that I knew how to put on.  I knew the boys thought I was cute.  But I had not conceived that I could possibly be sexy. 

Anyway, so my best friend came over and brought some clothes with her.  We were going to the County Fair, and of course, one must look good to do so.  I’m kind of embarrassed at the thought of it now, but it was the place to be back then.  So I had these brand new shorts that were hip huggers and I thought they were just soooo cool.  I put on one of my friend’s tops and looked in the mirror.  Oh my gosh, I thought, this is tight!  It wasn’t really tight, but much more form-fitted than the t-shirts (this was before the time when t-shirts came with a fitted female cut) I normally wore.  I asked my friend, “are you sure I should wear this?  Do I look fat?  Is my stomach hanging out?”  We decided that it was fine, and away we went. 

So we went to the fair and met up with a couple of boys that we use to hang out with.  One of them really noticed me and told me I looked really good in the outfit.  He wanted to get together with me after that, but I said no thanks, he had never liked me before, so really all he liked was me in my best friend’s clothes. 

But it gave me a sense of empowerment that I hadn’t had previously and was my first taste of feeling sexy.  It is a feeling that I never fully relaxed into, and it is a way that I never really feel anymore.   Sometimes I wish I still had that feeling.  And sometimes I wish I never had that awareness of my body, because it can lead to too much worrying about it, placing to much emphasis on it.  What if my arms are too flabby, or my boobs too big, my legs too short? 

Anyway.

Freaking me out…

{ April 21, 2008 @ 4:12 am } · { dating, love, random thoughts, relationships, sex, worries }
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So last night I was up at B’s house.  Now, I don’t normally tell bedroom stories, and I’m still not really going to do so here, but B said something to me last night that had my heart pounding for a moment. 

So we had just finished up in the bedroom, and I had gone to the bathroom to clean up.  When I came back, I noticed a huge wet spot, on my side of course (he always comes over to my side, for that specific reason, I believe).  Anyway, I said something like, “damn it, B, look what you did”.  Not seriously mad, of course, I just like to give him shit about it. 

Anyway, here’s what he said:  The cat did it.

*Crickets*

So I’m sure most of you are thinking, what’s the big deal, right?  Well, for those of you who are reading Kara’s interview with other bloggers, you probably saw the interview she did with Markalan.   Well, the interview contained a link to a post that Markalan had written about a very funny bedroom incident in which he and his wife told their child that the cat had thrown up on the bed. 

Oh, and I should mention that B doesn’t have a cat.

So I thought of Markalan’s post when B said the cat did it, because I just read it last week.  I thought, OMG, he’s seen my blog.  Which is ridiculous, of course.  Because to even have seen that post, he would have to read my blog, and Kara’s, and Markalan’s.   So then I stopped freaking out in my head, because it just isn’t that probable.  I’m not even sure he knows that blogs exist.

But B?  If you are here?  Hi!  Love you!  Don’t go back and read the archives, k?

Hehe.

Random though, no?

Long Time…..

{ March 26, 2008 @ 3:16 am } · { dating, dirty, love, random thoughts, relationships, sex }
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Hello!

It has been about 2 weeks since my last post, but I have a fairly decent excuse.  My computer became hopelessly infected (yes, I know, that is why you should have anti-virus protection, I get it), and spending any amount of time on the internet required more patience than I have. 

Luckily, ManWhore gave me the hook-up.  Totally fixed my computer AND installed anti-virus software, so I am good as new.  Better actually. 

Of course, once he fixed my computer, ManWhore expected payment.  We agreed to meet at McDonalds so I could pick up my computer as I was driving through town, and I called him when I was close so he could come meet me.  Here is the conversation we had:

ManWhore (MW):  So I think you should blow me.

Me:  Ok, let’s do it at McDonalds.  You want to?

MW:  No, you can come to my house and just do it here.

Me:  But I thought your house was off limits?  I’m getting confused about the rules, MW.  (As you recall, he told me he laid the “ground rules” for High School girl, and this was one of them).

MW:  J, those rules don’t apply to you.  There are no rules when it comes to you.

Me:  Oh, so of all your lady friends, I am really special?

MW:  You know I’d break all the rules for you.  Just you.

Me:  Mmhmm.  Riiiiiiight.  Yeah, no thanks.  I’ll see you at McDonalds in ten minutes.

Nice try, ManWhore.

Oh, yeah, and speaking of which, I did end up emailing back HS Girl and telling her how I knew ManWhore, and said a bunch of nice things about him.  But then I told her that for all of his good qualities, ManWhore is not boyfriend material.   (I told him exactly what I said and told him “no offense” and he said, “it’s ok, I’m not”). 

Then get this, she emailed me back and said, “Thanks for telling me that MW isn’t good boyfriend material, but you didn’t tell me why.”  Um….HELLO!  Did she miss the part about him having a live-in girlfriend?  Who he cheats on ALL THE TIME?!?  Seriously, I was too disgusted even to respond. 

Hmmm……what else has been going on the last couple of weeks…..

Not much, really.  Same shit, different day.  Had a nice Easter with my family.  B didn’t come with me because he went to visit his family.  Even though I don’t see him that much, whenever Saturday rolls around, I really miss him if we’re not together.  More and more I wish that we could spend more time together.  I feel like we are sort of stuck where we are at.  It is hard to get closer when we only see each other once a week.  And though we talk everyday, it just isn’t the same as actually putting in time together and seeing how it goes to be more involved with each other’s day to day. 

Just last night he was talking to me about some trouble he is having at work and how it has been affecting him for a few months.  Obviously we have discussed this many times, but I didn’t know how much it was really still bothering him.  I just wanted to put my arms around him and BE there with him.  But I wasn’t.  But we aren’t ready to live together yet, so I’m not really sure how to sort of move it along. 

I think he feels the same way.  Of course, I have to guess, because as we all know, B is not too great at communicating his feelings.  But now when I leave his house every weekend, he kisses me a little bit longer and hugs me a little bit harder and always tries to get me to stay longer.   I don’t know, I just know that it is hard to feel like a REAL couple when we don’t get to be part of each other’s daily routine.

Anyway, sorry for the absence these last couple of weeks.  I’ve been struggling for a while trying to have something to say that is worth writing about.  I haven’t yet managed to find a way to make the mundane fun to read about.  I’m no Seinfeld, I guess. 

Playing dumb….

{ March 13, 2008 @ 3:52 am } · { dating, dirty, friends, indoor sports, is it just me?, observation, relationships, sex }
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So High School Girl wrote a new blog about a new guy that she recently hooked up with.  She said he was everything she was looking for, and that he was ten times better than her last guy, who, though I’ve never met him, I like to refer to as Huge Penis Boy (HPB)(as his member has been much lauded on her blog).  But, oh, despite everything she liked about him, there is one major drawback….he has a live-in girlfriend. 

I thought, hmm…..this sure does sound like ManWhore.  And despite everything I know about him, he never told me his girlfriend lives with him.  He is extremely closed lip about the girlfriend.  Probably because he doesn’t want to ruin any chance he thinks he has for me to sleep with him, should the situation arise.  It won’t.

Anyway, then High School Girl emailed me and asked me what I knew about ManWhore.  Oh…..crap.  What don’t I know about ManWhore (except that the gf lives with him)?  I know far more about ManWhore than I probably should.  More than I would ever discuss, because I kiss my grandmother with this mouth, and trust me, some of the facts are not pretty. 

But I don’t know what to say.  ManWhore is my friend, and though I would never tell her the specifics, do I tell her that he is a slut?  I have no relationship with her, but I feel as though I might owe her some truth, just as a woman.  Obviously she already slept with him, and there is no way to put that horse back in the barn.  However, her blog made it sound like she was interested in him for more than just sex. 

So I’m torn.  Maybe I just play dumb and just say something generic.  Talk about how I know him, blah blah blah.  Not what she’s looking for, but maybe I don’t want to get involved.

But then, he obviously already told her that he has a live-in girlfriend.  So, what’s the confusion?  What does she think he wants with her?  Why even get involved with someone like that – you’ll never get what you want.  I told him I was surprised that he told her about the girlfriend, a fact he hasn’t found fit to mention to me in two years.  He said, well, he thought he would put it all out there, that way if she didn’t like it, she had the opportunity to walk away from him.   He said he laid the ground rules.  I said what, don’t call me, I’ll call you?  Don’t speak unless spoken to?  He said, well, basically yes.  His house is off limits.  He probably won’t return calls or texts, at least in a timely manner.

I thought, who the hell hears these “ground rules” and thinks, “ok, that sounds fine”?   Who takes that kind of shit?  Um….no thanks.  Take your rules and move on.  I have my own rules in a relationship, and they definitely involve answering my calls, or at least returning them.   I am very demanding that way.

Anyway, I haven’t had much to write about lately, so at least ManWhore has provided me some fodder.  I’ll try to do some more exciting things so I have some material. 

Respect?

{ March 4, 2008 @ 4:24 am } · { dating, indoor sports, is it just me?, neuroses, random thoughts, relationships, sex }
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 A while ago I wrote a post about a girl I knew in high school who writes very naughty blogs on her myspace page for everyone to see.  They aren’t even set to private.  Anyway, at the time I relayed how my friend ManWhore got all excited when I told him about it, and he sent her an email right away.  That was a couple of months ago.  I should probably link to it here, because I know all of you readers are just SO interested.  Anyway, here it is.

So today ManWhore told me that she has been chatting him up lately.  And I know from her blog that she is getting tired of her current FB, because despite his very large package, he very rarely ever does anything for her because she always gives him a BJ and then he is done (interesting to note:  her AUNT was the first commenter on that specific post).  Anyway, ManWhore asked me if it would bother me if (when) he hooks up with her. 

Of course it wouldn’t bother me.  But it did make me feel a little strange.  Once upon a time, ManWhore and I had a little thing…..

I’ve mentioned on here that I didn’t date for a really long time.  A long, LONG time.  About 8 years.  And not on purpose.  It was sad times.  But anyway, so my friend, who didn’t know ManWhore enough to know that he was, well, a whore, attempted to hook me up with him.  He lives kind of far away, so we had a lot of email/chat interactions for quite some time before we ever met.  Over chat we were a great match.  Similar personalities (in some ways), similar sense of humor, etc.  We clicked pretty well.  He didn’t tell me that he had such a past (or present), and I guess I thought he was like me.  Lonely.  Looking for something.   

Well, so he came to see me one day.  Drove quite a long way to see me on a work night.  And he had certain expectations, which definitely went unmet.  I guess he thought I was kidding when I said I wasn’t that kind of girl.  No matter how much you talk to someone over the internet/phone, it is still brand new when you meet in person, and it was fairly awkward.   So anyway, I didn’t sleep with him that night. 

It was after that that he told me, reluctantly, that he has quite the list of conquests.  Literally, a list.  A very very LONG list.  Meanwhile, I had a measly 2 people on my list (which hasn’t gotten long enough to memorialize on paper).  And eventually I did sleep with him.  Don’t judge, readers, it had been 8 YEARS.  So I had to get back in the saddle somehow.  But it never was the same for me once I realized that he wasn’t like me, lonely and looking for something more, so I knew what I was getting into.   I was just one in a line of girls/women that he charmingly chatted up with only the hopes of getting laid.  And that’s ok. 

But the point of my post is that though I was somewhat disappointed (at the time) that things didn’t pan out, I was more disappointed that he didn’t see that I wasn’t that kind of girl.  I never saw myself that way – like just any other girl.  I don’t know why.  I thought that my self esteem (as it related to dating/relationships with men) was pretty low.    I hadn’t been asked out on a date or even looked at in many, many years.  I didn’t have high expectations for relationships, but even with the lack of attention from the opposite sex, I thought of myself as too special to just treat like I was just some random girl, to just be used for sex.  I was actually surprised that he thought of me that way.  I never saw myself that way, as a girl who could be easily dismissed, that one wouldn’t want more with.

I guess even though I’ve had some very low years being lonely and feeling bad about myself, I am lucky that I do respect myself in that way.  And I don’t know if I would have realized that I actually felt that way about myself if it weren’t for the situation with ManWhore.  And quickly after I realized ManWhore wasn’t the kind of guy I was looking for, I went and started the online dating thing, because I had found some confidence.  

ManWhore and I are now great friends.  He is actually the person I am most open and honest with.  It is so easy because he has absolutely no shame.  And he is thus not judgmental.  And sometimes it is just easier to talk to people who have no link to your real life – don’t know your real friends, will never come into contact with your boyfriend.  So I spill my guts to him.

Do I care if he hooks up with the girl from my high school?  No.  I knew when I became a number (I asked him that my name be omitted) on his list that there were many women before me, and there would be many to come.  But it just reminded me of how strange it made me feel when I realized that not every guy was going to understand that I wasn’t just another random girl.  And then I felt sad that this girl from HS apparently doesn’t feel that way about herself. 

Romance and Vomit

{ January 28, 2008 @ 4:25 am } · { dating, indoor sports, life, love, relationships, sex }
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So it has now been a year since my first date with B.  We didn’t make any big deal about it being an “anniversary” or anything, but to commemorate the occasion, we went back to the restaurant where we first met.  It was a nice change of pace, because we tend to only go to a few restaurants that are very near B’s house.  And as we talked, I found that he remembered a lot of details from our first date – what I wearing, what we both had to eat, etc.  I don’t always think he is paying attention to such details, so it made me happy that he would remember stuff like that. 

After dinner we went to the bar (where we always go).  He knows all of the people working there, and most of the people who go there.  And, by extension, I know a lot of them now, too.  Everything was going fine, and I was drinking the same drinks I always get, but I started feeling a little queasy.  My belly hurt.  And I started sweating.   I knew then that things were not going to end well.  Soon I found myself running to the bathroom where I promptly tossed my cookies.  All over the place.  Why hello, Bloody Mary.  You look the same coming as going.    Yikes. 

Mercifully, nobody else was in the restroom at the time (it is a TINY bathroom with two little stalls and standing room for one person).  So I was trying to clean up the mess I made (considering that if I didn’t, whoever had to clean it up at the end of the night is someone who is good friends with B and someone I will see next week and the week after that, etc.).  But, oh, that was not the end of the fun.  Everything that was left in my stomach then came out the other end just as rapidly.  Yep.  As much as I detest discussing, well…pooping, on my blog (or elsewhere), I hate even more doing so in a public place (or really anyplace other than my house).  So just about the time that tiny bathroom was thoroughly molested by me and my (not normally) weak stomach, B sent in Caitlyn, one of the bartenders, to make sure I was ok.  Needless to say, I was more than a little embarassed.   Nothing too ladylike about smelling up the bathroom.

I think it will be a good while before I am ready to have another Bloody Mary, which is a shame because Todd, the bartender, makes a damn good one and he always gives me a lot of extra olives. 

Oh, and I don’t know what made me sick, but I think it was karma biting me in the ass as last week I made a lot of fun of my friend LG when she threw up in the driveway of her house.  Yeah, turns out we’re both pretty cool. 

Anyway, after that little episode I felt perfectly fine, so when B and I got home, I was ready (after some toothpaste and mouthwash, of course) for some indoor fun.  He told me he had a sexy surprise for me, but he said it was a little weird and he wasn’t sure how I would react.  I consider myself fairly open-minded when it comes to sex, but he did make me  little nervous.    But it was not weird at all, it was actually very thoughtful and was…mmmmmm….very wonderful.  That’s all I’m going to say about that.  :)

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

{ November 9, 2007 @ 2:13 am } · { These people are killing me, dating, friends, online dating, sex }
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So today I was chatting with my friend, ManWhore.  I told him that I have this “friend” on myspace, a girl I knew in high school.  I haven’t seen or heard from her since high school, and when I first saw her myspace page, I was shocked by the blogs she writes.  They are all very naughty – highly explicit stories about her sex life.  She talks about anal sex, the length and girth of her booty call’s package, her skills in the oral area, and  she uses the nastiest words possible to describe such things. 

I’m not saying I don’t enjoy reading her blogs, but I was just surprised that she would post them for all the world (including her friends and family) to see.  I mean, blogging about that stuff anonymously is one thing, but owning up to this stuff in front of everyone you know is quite another. 

Anyway, so I was telling him about the blogs, and he decided, quite quickly, that he wanted to read them for himself.  He got all excited, told me it “made his day”.  Then he sent her a message telling her that he found her blogs very entertaining, because, of course, this is someone he wants to know.

Aahhh, ManWhore found his soulmate.  A girl who likes (or at least tolerates, if you do it right) anal, whose “specialty” is going down, and apparently isn’t too discriminating about her partners.  Oh, the satisfaction of bringing two slutty people together.  Should be one great night.  Makes me feel warm and fuzzy.  But kinda makes me itch too, like when you hear about a child having lice, adn all the sudden your head itches.  Yeah, kinda like that, what with all the potential diseases floating between the two of them.

Yikes.

Sunday night…football

{ October 23, 2007 @ 3:08 am } · { dating, indoor sports, life, love, relationships, sex, work }
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I went over to B’s house on Sunday afternoon.  Usually B gets together with the guys for football on Sundays, but since we weren’t able to see each other on Friday or Saturday, he invited me over. 

I hate football.  And I’m definitely not one of those girls who pretends to understand or like football just to impress a guy.  No, I am not one of the guys.  So I pretty much just went for the company. 

I may not have quite the same enthusiasm for a touchdown as the guys, but I’m pretty sure watching football with me was more fun than with the guys.  And I was able to steal his attention from the game a few times.  And if I do say so myself, the half-time entertainment was pretty good.  :)

And after the game we ordered in some food.  We sat at the table across from each other and just talked.  It felt….intimate, I guess.  Because we don’t spend that much time together just hanging out at home.  So it was nice.  I liked it.  

In other news, today we had a consultation with a very hot, young potential client.  He apparently got charged with indecent exposure.  Um…..yeah, I’m going to need a demonstration before I take your case.  But seriously, why is it in my experience that only dirty old men are inappropriate?  Why am I never around when the hot guys expose themselves indecently? 

The uninitiated

{ October 17, 2007 @ 3:34 am } · { dating, how you found me, love, random thoughts, sex }
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So thanks for the input on my last post.   The comments really did give me a different perspective that I hadn’t necessarily thought of on my own.   I never want B to think that I’m indifferent to sex or that I’m doing it out of some sort of feeling of obligation, because I’m definitely not.  There has never been a time over the course of our relationship when I was doing it just because he asked.  I always want to.  Like I said before, we only see each other once a week, at most, so it is pretty much a foregone conclusion that we will have sex every time we see each other.  And he will always start it, so I never do. 

I took to heart what  Natureboy said in his comment – that he felt like always initiating was like asking for sex and intimacy, and that it was demoralizing.  I do want intimacy with B, and that is kind of the same thing I have been complaining about.  I’ve felt like the physical affection has dropped off, and I miss that, and need that.  And when I tried to talk to him about that, it was his response to bring up that I never initiate.  So maybe for him that is a way of communicating and his way to be truly intimate with me (thanks Kara!)   I guess what I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to say is that maybe B and I express intimacy and affection in different ways.  Hopefully we can both now try to meet each other where we are.  I can initiate sex, and he feel more wanted, and he can bring back the other physical affection, and I will feel more loved.

On the other hand, my problem is that sex is often just sex.  So if he doesn’t manage to express feelings in another way, it is going to be hard for me to really feel it. 

I’m not sure this post is going to make sense to anyone other than myself. 

Oh, and readers?  I’ve finally figured out how to get your attention.  I talked a little bit about sex and the number of views of my blog more than tripled my previous best day ever.  That being the case, I’m probably not going to be able to keep your attention, seeing as how my sex life is adequate but not terribly exciting or frequent, and I’m not that comfortable committing such details in writing out here on the internets.  Sorry about that, you little perverts.  :)

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