Archive for tv

You are making it so hard to stay away…

So last night I ventured back to the gym.  I wish I could say that I’ve missed the gym after many months of abstaining from exercise, but that just isn’t the case.  But it was fine.  It was very quick, because I decided, in a total panic after stepping on the scale (which I have been avoiding as of late out of fear) to go to the gym only an hour before it closed (damn you, Biggest Loser for making me feel inspired!).  So I scrambled around, getting dressed and trying to remember everything I needed for my gym bag – water bottle, gym card, iPod, face towel, and took off.  Anyway, I did a quick little workout, and that was that.

Is it bad that the main reason I’m thinking about going back is that I when I got there I found that the gym had installed tvs at every machine?   Now I’m picturing myself settling in on the treadmill for three hours worth of Thursday night programming (as if, seriously).   Although I have my doubt that the other gym patrons really want to hear my weekly commentary/rant during episodes of the mysterious and utterly frustrating Lost.  And don’t even get me started on The Bachelor (seriously, ladies, keep your panties to yourself on date one).   But is it really so wrong that the only thing that could possibly get my lazy ass off of the couch and to the gym on a regular basis is my love of tv?

If it is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.  And maybe next time I’ll go back they’ll have cookies there, too.   Aahhh, a girl can dream.

Lost

Indeed I am. 

I love that show, but I cannot figure it out for the life of me.  Every episode just leaves me more confused.

Reality (TV)?

Ok, so I watched the finale of the Bachelor tonight.  I know, lamer than lame.  I have been over Andy and his monotone voice for several weeks now, but nonetheless wanted to see who he chose. 

He didn’t pick who I wanted him to pick.  And the rejectee was heartbroken, and of course went away in the limo feeling lower than low and like a total fool.  She said she should have known, because that is how things end for her.

Now, I hate to compare a reality tv show to real life, but nonetheless, the ending of the show made me feel a little uneasy.  I mean, who’s to say that couldn’t really happen?  One person truly feeling like the other was The One, and feeling it with all of her heart, and the other not truly feeling it.  Scary.

Granted, nobody really goes eyes wide open into a relationship with a guy who is dating another woman (or multiple women), so in that way, reality is not so much like The Bachelor.

But one of the main reasons I’m still dating BigBoy is because I’m worried it is just me.  I know it takes me a while to warm up to a guy.  When I am in any relationship, I can literally feel myself physically holding back.  And I can feel myself not always saying what I want to say.  I haven’t yet been able to really and truly let it all go.  I wish I knew why I do that. 

So I guess my concern is that the reason I never get really close to anyone I date is because of me.  It starts with me holding back, which of course they can feel, and that changes the way they feel and react, and the relationships just develop differently than they would have if I could open up. 

I guess what I don’t know is how to walk the fine line between hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.  And I suspect that if you err on the side of preparing for the worst, you will probably always get it.  Nasty little self-fulfilling prophecy.   Because it is impossible to really put it out there and allow yourself fully give of yourself and let yourself be loved while you are fearing rejection or hurt, and thinking that things probably won’t work out. 

Besides, what is the worst that can happen?  You let yourself fall in love, and then get blind-sided by rejection?  Is rejection any better just because you knew it was coming?  And isn’t that really just like double the rejection anyway?  You basically rejecting yourself before someone else does it?  Not truly believing you can make it work or that you are someone worthy of something great? 

Ok, guess I’ve got it all figured out.  Now all I’ve got to do is banish all the negative thoughts and self-doubt from my head.   No problem. 

Nothing like a little pick-me-up…

Geez, Grey’s Anatomy wasn’t exactly the feel-good finale of the year.  Everybody miserable in their own way. 

Makes me glad my life is just boring.